Darcangel's Musings

Getting Published

2008-07-30T05:40:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a month or two since I last wrote. I have two reasons:

1. It's summertime and I've been out and about doing stuff.
2. I'm on Facebook now so that sort of kills two birds with one stone. I can post pics and stuff there a lot easier than here. So, I'll still write some updated stuff now and then but I'm going to primarily use Facebook. I know, I know ... I thought I could avoid the bandwagon. But once I got a good look at it I had to jump on.

As for the latest news ... there's only one thing to say — I'm getting published!!! That's right, one of my books (The Trouble With Emily Dickinson) is hitting the shelves just in time for Christmas. And the publisher is even interested in The Crabapple Tree.

I'm bursting with fruit flavor!

I'll update you more as we move along in the process.

Birthday, Wedding and Vacation

2008-05-30T07:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been more than a month since I've written last. OK — a few things have happened since my trip to Atlanta. First, I turned 30 on May 9th. I'm not upset or anything. Everyone kept asking me how I felt and, quite honestly, I don't feel any different than I did when I was 21. I may be a bit older and wiser (and a bit more self aware, thank God) but other than that I still feel young and full of life. I think age is what you make of it. If you think you're old, then you'll feel old. But if you hold on to the feeling of being young and free, then you'll feel that way no matter how old you are. I learned this from my grandmother, who is going to be 96 this September and is still so full of life.

My 30th birthday was the first big event of May 2008. The second was Jill and Paul's wedding. I had so much fun. Jill and Paul asked me to do a reading and I was incredibly nervous but I apparently hid it well because everyone said that they couldn't tell. I read a passage from the bible about love being patient and kind. It was a beautiful passage. And no, despite what Tray may have thought, I didn't burn up at the podium.
Here's the link to view the pictures from the wedding: http://picasaweb.google.com/melmc79/JillPaulSWeddingMay08

The last big event was our trip to London and Scotland. It was incredible. We saw so many things, including Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, the London Bridge, the Thames, Tate Modern Art Museum, St. Paul's Cathedral, Avenue Q at the London Theatre, Indiana Jones at a huge Omniplex movie theatre, St. James Palace, Hyde Park, Edinburgh Castle, Glascow, Scottish Parliament, Holyrood Palace, Arthur's Seat, the William Wallace Monument, the Royal Mile, Stirling, Stirling Castle, St. Andrews and St. Andrews Golf Course, and more. My favorite day was when Melissa and I rented a Mini Cooper (Thank God she can drive stick on the left side of the road!) and drove along the Scottish countryside through Stirling, Falkirk, Perth and St. Andrews. It was a beautiful sunny day and the scenery was breathtaking. This trip was amazing and it made me want to travel other places as well. I loved Scotland, but I can honestly say that being over there made me appreciate the life I have here in America. As much as we enjoyed our trip, we were just as happy to get back home. Here's the link to the pictures from London/Scotland (and a few from NYC the day before we flew out to London):
http://picasaweb.google.com/melmc79/LondonScotlandTrip

Atlanta

2008-04-06T17:48:00.001-07:00

So, the weekend before I was in Boston. Last weekend Melissa and I were in Atlanta. Her mother came as well, so it was a family trip. Melissa had been planning to run the ING Marathon with Jo (my sister-in-law) so her mother came along for support. It was interesting to see her mother interact with my family because she is so quiet and my family can be a bit overwhelming. But everyone got along really well. It was good to see my parents as well as my niece and nephew. I have some updated pictures of them. We went to one of Lilly's soccer games. Ty ran around with the soccer ball while I chased him. Lilly ran around with the other kids on her team around the field. It was funny because they all moved in one single blob all over the field after the ball. If one of them didn't feel like playing, they'd sit down on the field and pick grass or run off the field to sit with their parents. It was hilarious. All the pics below are from the soccer game.

As for the marathon. Well, that was an experience in itself.

Picture this. I’m standing at the finish line with Melissa's mother. I see Jo run by and I think that Melissa should be coming by any second now. An hour later and I knew something was wrong. Then my phone rang and it was an attendant from one of the medical tents along the route telling me they had taken my “friend” to the hospital. The hospital was six blocks away and I was in downtown Atlanta without a clue of how to get there. Thankfully, a nice young EMS guy gave her mother and I a ride to the hospital.

I felt two things when I saw Melissa laying in the emergency room. Panic and relief. I panicked once I saw her and I was relieved once they told me she was going to be fine. They loaded her up with fluids and blankets. I did my part by going to get her some ice cream from the cafeteria (hey, it’s what she asked for). Then she cried in disappointment and it broke my heart. Who could blame her? She made it 23 miles … 23. She only had three more to go. But still, it was quite the feat. Not many people can run a marathon, let alone 23 miles. Once she realized that, she felt better.

The best part for me was when they came into the room to complete the paperwork before she could be released. I guess when she came in she was so disoriented, she couldn’t do more than mutter her own name. They began to ask her the regular questions — her name, her address, her insurance carrier, blah, blah, blah. Then they asked her if she was single or married.

That’s when she lit up, grinned at the woman and said, “I’m engaged.”

She looked over at me and I smiled back. I knew then she was going to be just fine.

Boston

2008-03-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

I wish I had brought my camera with me, but alas ... I didn't. So I don't have any pictures to post of my drunken escapade to Boston, MA to sip a bevy of frosty beverages and
bond with my two brothers over basketball.

I spent most of Friday driving. The entire trip takes about six hours and I've done it so often I could probably do it blind folded. Friday night we tried what we thought was a fancy restaurant for Boston's Restaurant Week, but it turned out to be far less than fancy. No biggie. I was eager to head back to Bryan's apartment and check my brackets.

On Saturday we toured the Sam Adams brewery. This wasn't that interesting to me but Jason and Bryan were all about it so I thought I'd tag along. The most exciting part was the beer tasting, and at 2 p.m. the beer tasted surprisingly refreshing. And hey — I even got to keep my tasting glass as a souvenir. You can't beat that! We spent the rest of the day bar hopping near Fanueil (sp?) Hall so Jason could check out some of the city. I met up with my buddy Steph who I hadn't seen in a year or two (she still looks the same and I mean that in a good way), and I finally got to meet her girlfriend. At about 9 (at least I think it was 9) we headed back to Southie to meet up with Bryan's girlfriend (and my friend) Erika and went to a bar around the corner of his house. Fast forward to 2 a.m. and I've spent way too much money, drank way too many beers and watched countless first and second round games of the 2008 NCAA tournament.

On Sunday, I woke up far too early but I was eager to get on the road. I had a six hour drive to attend to. Despite being incredibly tired from the whirlwind of traveling in such a short period of time, it was a lot of fun. I think we might even make it a tradition.

This weekend I head to Atlanta with Melissa for her full marathon race. I'm excited for her because this is a huge accomplishment and she's put her all into her training. I will not forget to bring my camera this time. That's a promise.

March Column

2008-03-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

Hello all, the March column for Outcome is up and you can view it here.

This is just a quick note to say, "hello."

I've got a few trips coming up and some other things planned, so I'll be updating soon. Take care!

February Column

2008-02-06T07:18:00.000-08:00

Hey all, this is just a quick note to let you know that the February column for Outcome is up on the Poetry & Columns page.

Also, I've got some things happening with The Crabapple Tree. Stay tuned for exciting news regarding this novel!

New Hampshire

2008-01-20T14:18:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back from my trip. I got back last Sunday actually, but this week was just waaaay to busy for me to find time to update this blog. New Hampshire was awesome! The weather warmed up just enough for us that week that it was very enjoyable. There was enough snow on the ground already so when the temps warmed up it didn't all melt away. Melissa and drove up on Tuesday night. It took about 9 hours to get from Buffalo, NY to Bartlett, NH. I don't mind road trips, but I have to admit that even I was getting a bit antsy after awhile. We stayed in a "ski in, ski out" condo at a ski resort called Attitash. On Thursday (Wednesday we just sort of tooled around), Melissa, Paul, Jill and I went skiing. We put on our skis right outside of the condo door, jumped on the hill and skied down to the ski lift. It was awesome. The mountains in NH (or any ski resort on the east coast really) make the mountains at Holliday Valley (ski resort in Buffalo, NY) look like hills. The scenery was breathtaking. We skied for almost four hours in almost 50 degree, sunny weather. The conditions were almost perfect. (I say almost because it was a little icy in spots). After we were done skiing, we went out to a nice dinner and home to relax. Friday we walked all around town and in and out of the little shops in the area. Saturday we watched football and hung around, and on Sunday we drove home. It was so relaxing. Melissa and I were in need of a vacation.

Something else happened as well. On Thursday, during our ski adventure, I "proposed" to Melissa on top of a mountain. I had planned on doing this for awhile now and the opportunity presented itself so I took it. I didn't give her a ring because we had talked about not doing engagement rings. I did, however, give her a candy heart that said "Marry me" on it. I had given her the heart last year at a Christmas party as a joke. Well, she kept it all this time in her jewelry box. So I gave it to her this time "for real" in a ring box. I swiped it from her jewelry box before we left on the trip. I was so nervous the entire day we went skiing but things just fell into place. She said yes and we will probably have a very small and intimate ceremony of some kind. Right now it's planned for Fall of 2009. We hope to do it either in Vermont or New Hampshire - either way I'll keep you posted.

Below are some pics from the trips. The frozen waterfall on the ski hill that you see is the spot where I asked Melissa to marry me. I know, I'm smooth!

2008

2008-01-07T12:45:00.001-08:00

Well, another year is gone. And what a year it was. 2007 was a definite pick-me-up for me. I saw a lot of good things come my way and I hope I manifest the same for 2008. Well ... maybe not the same ... more like bigger and better!

I've updated a few things on the website. For one, you can read the new Outcome column for January on the Poetry & Columns page. It was recently picked up by a newspaper in San Diego called the Gay & Lesbian Times as well. So that's exciting.

I went rock climbing for my latest installment of Fitness 101. It's written and ready to go, but due to legal issues I have to wait for it to publish in the Buffalo News first, before I can post it on the site. As soon as it's up, I'll let you know.

Other than that, I'm just winding down from the holidays and family interaction. I leave for vacation tomorrow with my Buffalo BFF's and Melissa - I can't wait. So I will have plenty to write about when I get back. Until then, Happy New Year!

Here's a little teaser pic for Fitness 101 of me rock climbing ... or hanging in there really!

Half Marathon/Thanksgiving

2007-11-28T17:11:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was as enjoyable as mine. Of course, I ran a half marathon on Thanksgiving Day. And that wasn't enjoyable at all. It wasn't torture either. It was, I don't know ... a challenge. When I finished I felt a great sense of accomplishment. I found myself wondering how I could have run 13.1 miles. All the training and preparation that went into it was worth it and yes, I think I'd do it again. Maybe next Thanksgiving?

(for more about my marathon training, read the Fitness 101 column on the Columns and Poetry Page)

I also had a wonderful time in Atlanta with my family. Melissa came with me and we had so much fun. Here are a few pics from the family gathering. The little girl is my niece, Lilly. And the boy at is my nephew, Titus. Ty for short. He's too cute for words.

November Column for Outcome

2007-11-06T09:42:00.000-08:00

The November column for Outcome is up and posted to the Poetry and Columns page. Go cheeck it out!

Happy Halloween

2007-10-28T09:59:00.001-07:00

It's that time of year again. I love fall, especially in Buffalo. I love when the leaves begin to change color, when you can feel the cleaness of the crisp, cold air, and when the smell of burning firewood travels along the edge of a breeze. Another thing I love about fall is carving pumpkins. Melissa and I drove out to the country a few weeks back to get some fall decorations for the house and some pumpkins. Jill and Paul came over last night to carve the pumpkins with us. I think they all came out pretty good!

You may be wondering why my pumpkin's mouth is so big. Well, my pumpkin started to ro actually, right at the spot where I could carve a mouth. So I had to account for the rotten spot, and make sure I carved it all out. Hence the big mouth.

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!

New Book & New Short Story!

2007-10-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

I added a new short story to the short story page. It's called, The Lesson of Graham Brooklyn and it's unlike my other stories in that it's a bit darker. I can't tell you where the idea came from ... but is just sort of oozed out of me.

The short story anthology, Best Lesbian Love Stories: Summer Flings is out in stores! You can also buy it at my bookstore. Purchase a copy, as my own short story, The Sight of Her, is published in it.

I hope you all enjoy these stories as much as I enjoyed writing them1

October Column

2007-09-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

The October Column for Outcome is up! Go here to read The ethics of outing.

My Buffalo BFF's

2007-09-20T16:46:00.000-07:00

(Jill, Paul, Melissa and I at the Lobster Fest at Caroline's Winery in Canada)

Since two of my closest friends are now in North Carolina, I was thinking the other day of who I talk/hang out with the most here in Buffalo. Two names came to mind: Jill and Paul.

I don't know why really, but I feel compelled to talk a little bit about them.

Jill
I've known Jill since we were little actually. She was shy and quiet, and we played on the same softball team (the Avengers). I remember that she didn't say much but she was always super sweet. Fast forward about 20 years, and she's still just as sweet. Only now she's much more of a talker! When Melissa and I got together, I had no idea that she and Jill were best friends. So imagine my surprise when I found out. Small world, right? The wonderful thing about she and Melissa being best friends, besides their friendship of course, is that Jill and I already knew each other to some degree only now we had a chance to get to know one another even better. These past six months have been so much fun because the four of us hang out a lot more. I'm thankful for that. I've enjoyed nothing but fun and laughter every time we've hung out. Not only do we have a close couple to do things with now, but Melissa can hang out with Jill and I can hang out with Paul by ourselves, or vice versa. I enjoy Jill very much. She and I have had some deep heart to heart conversations. She's pretty much "what you see is what you get," which is the type of person I bond with the most. I'm so happy that she's in Melissa's life, but I'm also happy that she's in mine too.

Paul
Where do I begin ... my Playstation had been collecting dust for quite some time. When I bought it, my brother Bryan still lived in Buffalo. He and I grew up competing against each other at Nintendo, Sega - you name it. If there was a sports game to play, we played it. It became sort of our thing. And then he moved away. I learned that playing Playstation wasn't as fun when it's by yourself. Enter Paul. Now, I'm not saying that I love hanging out with Paul simply because he's someone I can play Playstation with. I'm saying that I love hanging out with Paul because he's become like my brother to me. We not only bond over video games, we have intellectual conversations, go out for drinks, rollerblade and put up with our girlfriends on couple outings (kiddng ladies!) He's just really sweet, genuine, incredibly intelligent and incredibly affable. And, like Jill, he's real. There's nothing fake about him. He is who is and I appreciate that so much. I miss my brother like crazy, but it's good to know I have another one here to lean on now.

Jill and Paul have become staples in my life. And I'm thankful for that. As my friendships shift and change, with others falling by the wayside, I've learned that when there is space for new and wonderful people to come into my life ... they do. And I welcome them with open arms.

North Carolina

2007-09-05T17:14:00.000-07:00

(<---Tracy)
Labor Day, I drove nine hours by myself to see my best friend from childhood - Tracy and a close friend I met when I lived in Boston, MA - Allison. Ali recently moved down to NC, and Tray has been there since March (don't quote me). We basically hung around and did what we always do when we get together - laugh a lot. On Sunday, we watched almost eight hours of Lifetime movies and it was brilliant. We learned how not to have an eating disorder, to never kill people and take over their identity, that depression and anorexia can be caused by an overbearing mother and that cyber-sex on the net can be addictive. Oh, you gotta love Lifetime television. Here are some pics from our fabulous weekend, which included a trip to Raleigh (Tray lives in Greensboro) to see Ali's new place, sit by the pool and watch She's the Man. (I LOVE that movie!) (Allison and I --->)

Tray recently got a puppy and she is the cutest thing ever!

I wanted to take her home with me, but I have two wonderful dogs of my own.

Here's another pic I enjoy. It's my serious look. Don't take it too seriously.

September Column

2007-09-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

The September column for Outcome is up and ready for reading. Well ... what are you waiting for?

(more on my trip to N.C. later!)

August Outcome Column

2007-08-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

The August column for Outcome is up and ready for reading. You can read it here.

Mia Michaels & the Book Store

2007-08-08T10:31:00.001-07:00

On the front page of my site you may have noticed that I am writing two articles for Curve Magazine (the best-selling lesbian magazine in the nation!) The first is about Jen Austin, author of Coming Out Christian. The second is going to be about Mia Michaels! I've been given the go-ahead from Curve and am trying to set-up an interview with her through her agent. It's kind of surreal really, talking to someone's agent. I am sooooo excited though. It's my first interview with someone famous!

Second, you can now shop at Amazon.com on my site. All you have to do is click on the Books & More link and you'll be sent to an Amazon store where you can purchase books, music and DVDs. Browse my pics, best sellers and gay & lesbian selections. Once the books I am in our published, I will put them up there as well so you can purchase them right on my website! Happy Shopping!

Catching up

2007-07-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

I haven’t written in awhile because I’ve been busy writing in many other ways (my third novel is half way through, freelance work, short stories, 451 press, etc.) Usually, I use this blog to talk about the little adventures I take outside of the writing world. Unfortunately, I don’t have another family get together planned for a few months, and the next trip I have planned isn’t until the end of August. The most exciting thing that has happened since my last post is this …

I bought a JUICER!

It’s the best invention in the entire world! Or at least it is in my mind at the moment. You can basically make juice out of anything. Of course, it helps to make the juice as tasty as possible so that you can actually drink it. I’ve had two successful concoctions so far:

1.) Apples, blueberries and apricots – oh my! Sooooo good.
2.) Oranges, blueberries and a touch of Kale for good measure. Quit delectable!

We (Melissa and I) tried to make a vegetable drink, but it tasted absolutely disgusting. I’m thinking we might have to mix veggies with fruit in order to have some flavor and be able to get our vitamins as well.

This purchase was part of a little shopping spree I decided to go on after doing some extra freelance work. I made some good money and wanted to spend some of it on myself. Normally, I am a saver. So it felt good to just spend without thinking about it. I bought new clothes mostly, a fresh pair of sneakers to add to my collection and the juicer.

Anyone have any good juicing recipes to share??

Other than writing I’ve been watching, “So You Think You Can Dance” (I love me some Mia Michaels. She’s intriguing in a ‘I can’t stop watching you’ kind of way), and waiting for the arrival of my Harry Potter book, which I ordered as a gift with points from my credit card.

There’s a team in every family

2007-06-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

If there was one sport I could play every day of my life, it would be basketball. I’ve loved basketball since the days Michael Jordan leapt from the free throw line, Magic Johnson passed the ball right while looking left, and Larry Bird could basically hit the bottom of the net from anywhere on the court. I grew up playing ball with my brothers and their friends on the playground, played on my high school team, and spent my summers at numerous basketball camps. And whenever the Gus Macker three-on-three tournament came to town, I was always ready and willing to participate. The Gus Macker is a national three-on-three basketball tournament that visits numerous cities throughout the country.
Of course, as I’ve gotten older and lost a few quick steps here and there, I haven’t been able to play basketball as often as I would like. My brothers have since moved away, with one residing in Atlanta and the other in Boston. This past winter we toyed with the idea of playing in the Gus Macker tournament as a family when it came through Buffalo. At the end of June, that idea became a reality.
Four people were needed for a team with three players on the court at a time and one sub. Both of my brothers and I recruited another childhood friend of ours to form the ever-impressive entourage, the “Darc Angels.” My sister-in-law even made us T-shirts bearing the name. We registered as a co-ed team but there were so few co-ed teams entered, we were put into a bracket with only male players. To say that I wasn’t a bit intimidated would be a complete lie. Sure, I grew up playing against boys. But these were no longer boys; these were big, sweaty guys, some beer-bellied and some ripped like Rambo, and all were unwilling to cut a female player any slack.
Despite being locked into an all-male bracket, I played my heart out. And my brothers were there every step of the way. They patted me on the back or gave me a high-five whenever I made a shot or left the guy guarding me in the dust. I wasn’t only trying to play ball to the best of my abilities, I was trying to win the respect that I deserved. As a team, we were incredibly fluid. It could have possibly been the fact that we knew each other inside and out because we were family, or because we had grown up playing enough playground ball to know where each other would be on the court at any given time. Whatever the reason, there was this unspoken pact between us that said we weren’t only there to win as a team, we were there to win as a family.
Sadly, the Darc Angles didn’t take home first place. But we did end up with the third place title out of a total of 16 teams entered in the tournament. They even gave us bronze trophies! And every team we played against exhibited good sportsmanship. I can honestly say that was treated with respect as the only female on the court.
Playing in a three-on-three basketball tournament like the Gus Macker is exciting in itself. The atmosphere is much like a street fair, complete with concession stands and sponsor kiosks. Ages range from 10-year-olds to 60-year-olds, and the skill level is equally varied. While walking up and down the courts you can watch just about any game, from serious competitors to people who just want to play for fun. There’s also a center court featuring elite players, a dunk contest and a free-throw contest.
I was more than content to spend two full days playing nothing but basketball. But what made is special was the fact that my brothers, my father, and other members of my family were there to enjoy the game with me. They flew in and drove hundreds of miles to take part in a basketball-filled weekend.
I love this game for many reasons. I love the smell of a leather basketball, the shine of the court, the squeaking of sneakers against the floor, the sound of the ball swishing through the net, the strain in the legs from a defensive slide, the feeling when you know the ball is going in the basket as soon as it leaves your hand, and a buzzer-beater shot to win the game. Now, I love the game even more because it brought my family together to play a sport we all respect and enjoy. We not only played for ourselves, we played for each other.
It didn’t hurt that we walked away with a trophy either.

For a more detailed recap of the Gus Macker - read the Fitness 101 column. Also, the July column for Outcome is up as well!

The Corporate Challenge

2007-06-08T06:30:00.001-07:00

The Corporate Challenge was held yesterday in Delaware Park.It was about 80 degrees, muggy and sunny, so not ideal for running. But, there were over 300 companies there with about 10,000 participants running 3.5 miles for charity. It was quite the site to see and very enjoyable. My goal was to beat my time from last year, being that I am in much better shape (better running shape especially). I beat my time by 11 minutes, finishing at 34:43. It was probably about 34:00 flat by the time I was able to start running. Regardless, I ran under 10-minute miles, which I am extremely proud of. Especially when I started running back in January, it took me 15 minutes to run a mile.

Now for the biggest news of the night! Melissa had a competition with this guy Neil at her work. Basically Neil is your quintessential manly man, who feels that men are better at women at all sports. He's not an avid runner, and still believed he could easily beat Melissa in the race. Melissa, who has been running consistently for almost two years (including two half marathons and numerous 5ks), gladly accepted the challenge.

He totally underestimated her and she smoked him. She ran the race in 26:00 minutes!!!! It was her fastest time yet. 7.5 minute miles. So awesome, and quite the achievement for her. I know she ran her ass off, not just for pride reasons, but also because she wanted to show how hard she has been working at running. It's a sport she really enjoys. I was very proud of her.

After the race, we walked through all of the tents because each company had a little picnic going on. Food ranged from pizza to subs at some of the small companies, to catered food like clams and kabobs at larger ones. Over all, it was an enjoyable night for all.

June Column

2007-06-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

The June column for Outcome is up! Read it now .... go , hurry!

Vermont

2007-05-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

This past Memorial Day weekend,I spent in the rolling hills of Vermont. Our trip there was a nice and relaxing seven hour drive, except for the part where Melissa thought we were lost. She accidentally read the map wrong - turned out we weren't lost at all. But, in the dark winding rodes along route 22 with no street lights or signs of life (oddly eerie in the countryside when it's pitch black) anything can happen. It was honest mistake.

So we arrived close to midnight on Thursday, talked with my aunts a bit and then hit the sack. Here's a pic of the two beautiful women who welcomed me and my "tribe" (as aunt lois likes to say) into their home.
The next day, we headed into the bustling town of Shelburne, which consisted of a country store, a gas station, a coffee shop, a church, an art museum, a restaurant, a country store and an antique furniture store. Everything moved with the speed of a turtle, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. We went back to the house for lunch and then took off down route 7 on a little adventure to another town called Vergennes. Their main street lasted about a half mile, if that, and took all of twenty minutes to explore. When we got back, we had one requirement to fullfill. Aunt Lois said that her fee for housing us for the weekend was to help her plant her garden. No problem. The four of got in, got our hands dirty with some MooPoo and planted lots of vegetables and spices. We had that garden finshed and ready for watering in less than half an hour! We were served lasagna for our trouble and then some watermelon ice cream followed by a rowdy night of games.

Saturday, we woke up bright and early to go golfing. I've never been before and I must say - it's quite fun! I was able to hit a few good shots off the tee, though once my ball hit the fairway I was in trouble. The irons and I didn't get a long too well, but me and the five would are tight! I pretty much used the five wood every change I got, and was able to pitch a few good shots on the green. Putting, well that needs some work. I tend to hit the ball a little too hard and send it skidding across the green so fast that falls back onto the fairway in the opposite direction. I had a good time though, and would gladly welcome the chance to golf again. Being out in the sun for four hours though pretty much wiped us all out. When we got back to the house, I crashed until dinner time.
We ate grilled chicken with asparagus, carrots in tomato sauce and brown rice. To top it off we had homemade strawberry shortcake for dessert.

Sunday, Melissa and I went for a run in the morning and then we all ate breakfast. The Vermont marathon was this weekend as well, in Burlington. So we went in to take part in the aftermath and explore the city. It's adorable, if a city can be adorable and reminded me a lot of Boston. We walked down Church Street, which is all on a brick covered street much like Fanuel (sp) Hall in Boston. I loved it. We decided to take the aunts out to dinner to thank them for their hospitality at a Japanese restaurant.

The next day, Memorial Day, we headed back home. A nice relaxing weekend logged into memories.

Call to duty

2007-05-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

I am putting together a book of lesbian soldier stories, yet to be titled. Are you a lesbian who is or was a soldier in the U.S. military? If so, I ask you to share your story with me about your experience, whether good, bad or ugly, and tell me how it has affected you personally, emotionally and mentally. Please e-mail me your story at ldark21@yahoo.com

May Column for Outcome

2007-05-01T09:36:00.000-07:00

It's up and ready for reading. visit the poetry and columns page to read it!

Judy Blume

2007-04-25T06:16:00.001-07:00

An e-mail from my hero:

Hi Lyndsey,
Thanks so much for your warm note. I'm touched by how well you remember my books. Wish there were time for a longer, more thoughtful response, but I'm overwhelmed right now and trying (desperately!) to find the quiet time necessary to write. Hope you'll understand. Readers like you have made my career, and I can never thank you enough.

Come back and visit my website again. Hope to get up some new info soon. And best of luck with your novel - what's its title?
Love,
Judy

I’m giddy. Enough said.

Whitewater Rafting

2007-04-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday, Melissa, a group of eager friends, and I went whitewater rafting in Cattaragus. It was about 40 degrees but not as cold as it has been the past couple of weeks in good ol' Buffalo. So we decided to brave the rapids. We got to the place at 11:00 a.m. and suited up. By this I mean that we were each given a wet suit, booties and gloves. I was having too much fun pretending I was a superhero (Spiderman specifically) getting ready to bust out in the streets and fight crime. Once we had our "outfits" on, we loaded up on the bus with a group of boyscouts who had also booked a trip for the same day and set out for the launching point. Melissa, Nikki, Kate and I were all in the same raft with our guide Marie (who turned out to be kind of loopy). Depsite the cold, it was an awesome time. We went through some excting rapids, got stuck on a few rocks, avoided trees and rogue waves and pattled our asses off.

There were no lilly paddlers in our boat! The entire trip took about three hours, though it didn't feel like that long. My feet were blocks of ice by the time the trip was over. And with about 20 feet left to go, Marie failed to see a rock that was hidding under the water and we got stuck on it for a good ten minutes. Now that I think about it, it was kinda of funny. After we got back and put on some warm clothes, the nice people at the rafting company gave us some free pizza to munch on. They were a great group of people and the guides basically work for meager pay and the joy of rafting. They go out every weekend from March until May. For anyone who hasn't gone rafting before, I say give it a go. It's def. worth the experience! No one fell in the water, well Erin almost fell in but thanks to one of her boat companions who insticntively grabbed onto her flaling leg, she only had her head dunk in the water before she went flying back into the boat. She took more pictures while we were actually out on the boat, so if I eve get a hold of them I'll post them up here as well.

March Madness is over ... now what?

2007-04-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

I got so used to watching basketball all of the time with both the men’s and women’s NCAA tournament, that now I have nothing to watch since they are both over.

(Florida repeated to take the men’s title. Tennessee won, giving Pat Summit her 7th national women’s title)

I will say that the one program I do tune into on a weekly basis is the Tudors on Showtime. It airs on Sunday nights at 10:00 p.m. It’s my only television commitment I feel is worth keeping. The show is captivating thus far and recounts the many sexual escapades King Henry VIII had in his prime as well as the controversy he started when he demanded a divorce from his wife, Katherine. Enter the actress who plays Ann Bolin and yep, I’m hooked. She doesn’t even have to say anything, her devious eyes pretty much draw you in and you know once her and Henry cross paths there’s going to be some fireworks.

Aside from that, I don’t have any shows that are on my “must watch” list. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It gives me more time to read, which I find hard to do since I am writing so much lately.

And television seems so lackluster these days. I was lying in bed last night, flipping mindlessly through the channels when I came across and old Wonder Years rerun … of course I stopped and watched it. It was the only quality program on, I swear! It was the one where Kevin asks Becky Slater to go steady so he can make Winnie jealous. Classic! I hit the info button and was reminded that it was in 1989 when the Wonder Years was popular. Has is been that long? I remember a time when I had something to watch almost every day of the week!

With the ending of Friends, there hasn’t been a quality sitcom to actually enjoy and watch. I’m a little sick of reality television and find that shows I used to enjoy just aren’t exciting to me anymore. Take American Idol for instance; the contestants in this season’s show are dull and unappealing. Sure there’s Melinda Doolittle, but there’s no one who can really rival her, no underdog to really root for. I mean, come on – Sanjaya? Are you kidding me? No thanks, I’d rather channel surf or reminisce about the good ol’ television days with a rare episode of the Wonder Years.

Unless it’s a sporting event, a rerun of the Wonder Years or the Tudors, I’ll probably be curled up on the couch with my nose in a good book.

Now that I think about it, that isn’t such a bad thing after all.

If you have any programming suggestions, please feel free to send them my way.

YaY for Good Friday.

2007-04-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

Today is Good Friday because:

I get to wear jeans to work.

The HSBC salad bar was as delicious as it was nutritious.

Melissa is coming home today.

My new blog is up an running at 451 press.com

Sour patch kids as a snack!

I cleaned my desk at work so now it’s sparkling clean

Bryan and Jason are going to play the Gus Macker with me. Go team D’Arcangelo

Well … the Friday before Easter is always called Good Friday…

Question. I was writing an ad today about a tanning bed. They wanted to highlight the fact that they leave chocolates on their tanning beds.

Now, I ask you … isn’t eating chocolate while you are lying under beams of sweltering heat a bad idea?

Hotlanta

2007-04-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

My trip to Atlanta last week was awesome. Except of course for the fact that Northwest Airlines tried to pull a fast one on us. We were a little late getting to the airport, but within plenty of time to make the flight. We walk up to the check in counter to check our baggage and the very unpleasant and plump lady says, "The gate is restricted." Melissa and I looked at each other and were like, "Um, okay. Here's our luggage." And she said frankly, "The gate is restricted." I was like, is there a break in communication here? What the heck does that mean. Basically, it meant that we weren't going to be able to fly. "Northwest has a policy to close the gate 30 minutes before take off." We look at our watch and we had 45 minutes to spare. "We still have 15 minutes," I said. Her response, "you'll never make it through security in time." Now, if anybody has ever flown through the Buffalo airport, you know that it's about 50 yards wide as it is long. You can basically sprint from one end to the other in five minutes flat. (maybe a slight exaggeration here, but you get the idea). So, I said, "Please just give a chance to make it to the gate." "I can't do that," she said without a hint of empathy. We asked her repeatedly to call the manager at the gate and she simply said, "I can't do that." There was no rhyme or reason. She was probably the most unhelpful person I have even encountered in a customer service position. So, without giving us any recourse as to what to do next, we had to book another flight on another airline just to be able to get to Atlanta. This cost us about $700. And, because I wasn't able to check in, my round trip flight flying out of Atlanta back to Buffalo was instantly cancelled. Therefore, I had to book another flight ($260) to fly home, bringing the grand total of our trip to fly to Atlanta to an extra $960, not including the fact that we had already purchased the Northwest tickets at $200 a piece. To say we were a little bummed would be an understatement. The kicker was that after we purchased our new tickets and made it through security (in like 5 minutes) we passed by the Northwest gate and low and behold, they hadn't even boarded the flight yet!!! Basically, they over booked the flight and saw a chance to bump some people so they did it to us, and it turned out that they bumped at least two other people who were in the same position we were. Luckily, we made it down to Atlanta and didn't let it ruin our weekend. Melissa, with her superb negotiating skills, was able to get $300 vouchers for each of us and her credit card reimbursed for the money she spent on getting us tickets down there. I had to eat it on the money I spent flying back, but at least we got something back. It's the first time I've ever experienced an airline trying to pull a fast one, and hopefully it will be the last.

Onto Atlanta ... we get to the hotel, which is gorgeous and right down town. The view overlooking the city was amazing. It was a pretty swanky hotel, but thanks to Melissa's discounted rate we didn't have to pay that much for it. Saturday was beautiful, about 80 degrees. We walked around the city, thinking we were only going for a short stroll but ending up walking six miles (to and from the hotel) which maybe wasn't the smartest idea since Melissa and Erin were running a half marathon the next day. Later on we met up with Jo, my sister-in-law, and two of her friends for dinner. They were staying in the city as well because of the marathon.

The marathon was on Sunday and started at about 7 a.m. I hung out near the finish line so that I could yell and catch a glimpse of everyone running by. Of course when Melissa came through, she had been running behind a pack of people so when she emerged from the crowd I had a second to yell, "go Melissa," and then I was off to try and find her through sea of people. She had run most of the race with Jo's friend Felicia, and they were pretty fast. They ran the 13.1 miles in under two hours. Melissa shaved 20 minutes off of her time! It was amazing. The whole atmosphere of the marathon was infectious. The Buffalo marathon doesn't even come close. There were 17,000 people registered to run and the city was alive with decorations and supporters. It really was quite the experience and I was glad to be a part of it.

<----- All the girls who ran the marathon sitting in front of a manmade waterfall.

-----> Melissa and Erin showing off their well-deserved medals!

After the race the girls needed some carbs so we went to a bar in Cumming, GA - where my brother and sister-in-law live and drank a couple of beers and ate some nachos. We stayed with my brother until Tuesday, when we had to fly home. On Monday we hiked up stone mountain, which is about a 1.5 mile trek uphill, sometimes so steep you had to lean forward. Jo did it with my 30 pound nephew on her back! After having run a half marathon the previous day!!! She's a beast.

Here's what it looks like from the top:

I decided to be nice and give Jo a little break so I hiked down the mountain with Ty on my back. He's one marshmallow puff! It was not an easy climb down, I can tell you that much.

So that was the trip in a nut shell. Well, except for the fact that Melissa and I gave Ty a bath and we only filled the tub with about an inch of water. My brother came in and said, "what are you doing?" "Giving Ty a bath," we said. "Well, are you going to use any water??" "We didn't want him to drown." Jason laughed and said, "At least fill it up past his knees." I think it was a good practice run for us!

I leave you with one burning question:How many lesbians does it take to give a 30-pound baby boy a bath?

April Column

2007-03-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

The April column for Outcome is up!

Visit www.lyndseydarcangelo.com and click on the poetry and columns page to read it!

I'll be posting about my Atlanta trip as soon as I get the pics on my computer.

As for the women's Final Four, I think it might be Tennessee's year once again. Candace Parker, you just can't stop her! And she's only a Sophomore!

Foxy Ladies

2007-03-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

It's good to be a fox, whether that means you are one hot broad or that you play for the Marist women's basketball team.

Marist, you ask?

Yes, Marist. The small school up in Poughkeepsie, NY that has found itself in the Sweet 16 of the NCAA tournament, shocking the nation by beating number 4-seeded Ohio State and then upsetting 5-seeded Middle Tennessee. With these wins, Marist became only the third number 13 seed to reach the Sweet 16 in the history of the NCAA Women's tourney.

I'll be honest, when I was filling out my bracket I didn't even give Marist a second thought. I think even the "experts" are astounded. Marist gave us all a well-deserved f@#! you and marched right through our predictions. The Red Foxes, let by point guard Alisa Kresge, are a quick, young and explosive team that is bound to gather up some bandwagon fans as the tournament goes on.

Although they face their toughest challege yet, the Tennessee Lady Vols, Marist has already proven themselves as a team that deserves to be in the hunt. Last year, the nation rallied around George Mason in the men's tourney as the Cinderella team. This year, it's Marist who fits the glass slipper.

They've earned respect from Pat Summit, the winningest coach in NCAA history, who said simply,"If you aren't ready to play on a given night you can get beat."

Well Marist is certainly ready to play. And I expect the game against Tennessee to unfold in true David versus Goliath fashion. I know I'll be watching. I'm rooting for Marist.

I'll admit it, I jumped on the Foxes bandwagon for two reasons. I love the underdog and ... I'm not ready for this Cinderella story to end yet.

NCAA Tourney

2007-03-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

The tournament is in full swing and my brackets are busted!

Here is my breakdown of the tournament so far (both men's and women's):

Most Reliable Seed: Florida Men's/Duke Women's

Biggest Surprise: UNLV Men's/Florida State Women's

Most Shocking Loss (bracket buster!): Texas Men's/Ohio State Women's

Cinderella Story: Not really a George Mason this year/Marist Women's

Should have picked the other guy: Duke Men's/Ohio State Women's

Good possibility to make it to the Final Four as a low seed: UNLV Men's/Maris Women's

Jump on the bandwagon team: Butler Men's/Marist Women's

Most Upsetting Loss: Duke Men's/Stanford Women's

On a side note: The LSU "scandal" has ended though I doubt it's the last we'll hear about it. Of course by "we" I mean people like me who actually care. Apparently the story wasn't that big of a deal to most because it was hardly publicized or reported on. The thing that I'm wondering now is if Pokey is off somewhere in a dump of a bar, sitting on a bar stool while gripping onto a frosty mug and watching her team play on an angled television next to a deer head.

Wherever she may be, I'm sure she's watching.

Pokey Chapman and LSU

2007-03-09T12:14:00.000-08:00

I'm appalled at this situation.

First off, I love college basketball (both men's and women's). I think that what Pokey Chapman has contributed to the game is amazing. But she let me down on this one, that is if the allegations are true. I don't think it's right for any coach, be it male, female, gay or straight, to sleep with one of their players. Bottom line.

I read the article on ESPN.com. and then some of the comments. Of course, people are making this out to be a gay issue. It's NOT a gay issue. A man wrote about how he was concerned about sending his daughter off to play college basketball, for fear that the coach might make a move. Another man said that this proves the case in point about how homosexuals on a sports team can't control their attractions. Are you kidding me? When did lesbians become such predators? What if this situation involved Gino A. from Connecticut?? Let's leave the gay issue out of it please. As a lesbian myself, one who has played on many sports teams, I have never had the overwhelming urge to jump one of my teammates or hypnotize them to come to my "side." It doesn't work that way. These comments are one thing and one thing only: the result of ignorance.

The main point is that Pokey made a serious mistake if she did, in fact, sleep with one of her players. That was wrong. Same if Gino had slept with one of his players. WRONG. There are certain lines you shouldn't cross and unwritten rules that exist on every sports team. The player/coach relationship is a sacred one and should be respected by its particants in the highest regard. I understand, however, that things do and can happen, people make mistakes. That doesn't make it right.

I hope the facts of this situation present themselves soon and I hope that people can look at this from a healthy perspective, with out the gay label attached. While I am shocked at Pokey's actions, I wish her the best in her career.

Ski Blades

2007-03-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

So over the weekend I went skiing. I decided to throw caution to the wind and try out the ski board/blades that I have been talking about ever since the ski season started. They are sooo

small on your feet (compared to regular skis of course).

They are FUN! It's just like regular skiing actually, and I found it easier to maneuver from left to right. I was feeling a little frisky and decided to try some jumps and hills with moguls.

The only thing I didn't like was that it was a lot harder to coast because you don't get as much speed on flat lands as you do with regular skis. I was getting a good workout because of that and my legs were shot by the end of the day. I only fell once and that was at the bottom of a hill when one of the ski blades caught a rut and flew out from underneath me. I hit the ground face first and pretty much laid there like a slug (Christmas Story reference for all you movie buffs).

I can honestly say that it was a successful afternoon. Melissa and I found this hill that zig zags throughout the woods. Unfortunately we found it at the end of the day, after I had my horrendous wipe out, so I was too sore to continue skiing.

It was beautiful though.

I'm not sure if I want to buy a pair of ski blades for myself yet, I think that I have to try them out one more time.

March Column

2007-02-26T09:44:00.000-08:00

The March Column for Outcome is up. Go to www.lyndseydarcangelo.com and click on the Poetry & Columns page.

New Website

2007-02-23T10:41:00.000-08:00

My new website is up!!!!

www.lyndseydarcangelo.com

Go visit it ... like now.

Fitness 101

2007-02-13T07:10:00.001-08:00

Hip-hoppin’ to the beat

I consider myself to be quite hip. And I know that I can certainly hop. So when I decided to spice up my regular workout regiment by taking a hip-hop dance class, I figured I’d be able to handle it just fine. After all, I enjoy listening to hip-hop music and I’ve been known to bust a move on the dance floor now and then. I have excellent coordination and I’ve watched enough MTV to know the difference between what’s “hip” and what’s not.
Many dance studios offer a hip-hop dance class of some sort. Some focus on break-dancing while others combine elements of various street dance styles. After contacting Steppin’ Out Dance Academy in West Seneca, I found out that they offer a weekly adult hip-hop class on Wednesday evenings from 8:30 to 9:30 p.m. for a reasonable $12 per class. I bundled up and braved the snow-filled roads, arriving just a few minutes early to watch some of the other dance classes in action.
A group of young girls were performing a routine to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” I watched in awe as they stepped this way and that way, wiggled and moved, in unison, to the beat. My first thought was, “So that’s how you do the ‘Thriller’ dance.” Then, I thought, “I may be in over my head here.”
I met Melissa Rautenstrauch, a dance instructor and choreographer at Steppin’ Out, after she finished teaching the previous class. She led me into another room and the first thing I saw was a complete wall of mirrors. I smiled at my reflection, since I was dressed as though I was about to go dance in the snow. After I stripped down to my shorts, T-shirt and sneakers, I was ready to start dancing. But first I asked Melissa how hard the class was.
“It’s not hard at all. The class has a few regulars who have been doing it for a while,” she said. “But don’t be afraid to ask me any questions during the routine.”
I nodded and took my position near the back of the class. To say that I wasn’t a little bit apprehensive would be a lie. Dancing wasn’t the problem however, having to actually watch myself dance in those HUGE mirrors was my main concern.
Melissa, who has been teaching at Steppin’ Out for the past eight years and has been dancing since the age of three, announced that we would start out with some cardio and crunches in order to get our heart rates up. This was the easy part. Then we moved on to a simple walking routine with a couple of hops and twists. I quickly got used to watching myself in the mirror and actually found it quite helpful when doing the steps. Aside from noticing some strange facial expressions, it wasn’t distracting at all.
After the walking routine, I thought, “This is easy.” Then Melissa said, “OK, let’s get into the real routine.”
Real routine? Uh oh.
Melissa stood in front of the class and broke down the routine a few steps at a time. She would show us how to do the step and then we would follow along. After a few practices, she’d turn on the music and we’d put together what we had learned so far in the routine. I found the most difficult part to be remembering the steps I had already learned when learning new ones. The further we got into the routine, the harder it was for me to remember the earlier steps. But, Melissa was always right there at the front of the class for all of us to watch and follow along if we began to stumble, freeze or trip over our own two feet.
Melissa often travels to dance conventions in order to keep up on the latest dance steps and hippest moves. She choreographs the routines herself and sometimes finds her inspiration from watching music videos on television.
All of the moves were simple enough to pick up after a couple of repetitions and weren’t out of my league. By that I mean, there was no spinning on your head or numerous back flips required. This class is designed for all dance levels, from beginner on up. I felt completely comfortable doing the steps in front of the other class members and found that everyone in the class, whether they could dance or not, was having a good time. Nobody was afraid to make comments or throw in a little joke here and there to break the ice.
“You don’t necessarily need to be able to dance in order to take this class,” said Melissa. “The routines are simple enough and easy to learn.”
And they are really fun, too! Before I knew it, the class was over and I had just gotten in a pretty good workout. The best thing about this dance class though, is that you can learn routines to popular songs that are currently played on the radio. I had the pleasure of learning a dance routine to Justin Timberlake’s “My Love.”
“It’s a great way to work out if you are bored with the gym and looking for something new to do,” said Melissa. She recommends the class to anyone who loves to dance and to people who are just starting to work out or engage in some physical activity.
Steppin’ Out Dance Academy currently offers the adult hip-hop class once a week but, according to Melissa, would like to eventually offer it at least two or three times a week.
“I love teaching this class because it’s a lot of fun and we always have a good time,” she added. “It’s different than teaching the younger kids because I can relate to the other adults in the class.”
As for me, I would definitely take a hip-hop dance class again. It’s an excellent way to break up the monotony of the gym and learn some fantastic dance moves. My only complaint is that there was only enough time to learn half of the routine!
Steppin’ Out Dance Academy is located at 266 Center Road in West Seneca. Call 675-7375 for more information about the adult hip-hop class and other dance classes available.

Tale of the Tape

Mission: Take a hip-hop dance class.
Cost: $12 per class.
Time Investment: One hour of hip-hoppin’ fun!
Sweat Factor: (on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 meaning “I barely broke a sweat” and 5 meaning “better bring an extra shirt”): I’d say about a 3, depending on the routine.
Soreness Factor: (again on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 meaning “Hey, that wasn’t so bad, I can do that again no problem” to 5 meaning “Could someone help me put on my socks?”): 1, but if you haven’t ever jumped and landed one leg over the other with a twist before, then I’d say a 2.
Anxiety Factor: (you get the idea … 1 meaning “there’s absolutely nothing to worry about” to 5 meaning “I hope my friends don’t see me doing this!”): 4, a wall of mirrors can be terrifying!
Equipment: Break out your dancing shoes (or sneakers)!
Attire: Anything you would wear to work out in.
Etc: Don’t be intimidated by the wall of mirrors in the room. They can actually help you learn the steps and keep to the beat as you watch yourself move.
The Final Word: I recommend this class to anyone looking for a break from the same old gym routine and to those who love to dance. Not only will you learn some hip dance moves, you’ll also get in some excellent cardio as well! — LD

Next issue: Joe Kirchmyer takes a pass on the usual cheeseburger and fries and actually tries to eat healthy!

If you have any story ideas for Joe Kirchmyer or Lyndsey D’Arcangelo, e-mail them at: jkirchmyer@buffnews.com or ldarcangelo@buffnews.com.

Hey Horsey

2007-02-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, Melissa surprised me with an anniversary gift that was incredibly creative and original. She took me on a winter horseback ride in Ellicottville. It was a little chilly, but the experience was awesome. I haven't been on a horse in years and I felt sooo many things at once: scared, giddy, excited and awkward! The guide was really wonderful and the trail took us in and out of open fields and woods. My horse was easy to ride for the most part. Melissa's was a little rambunctious and almost took off running a couple of times. I was afraid we'd have to ride off after her! The day was mostly sunny, though it was cloudy when we headed off on our ride. But being out in nature was so peaceful and it was nice to just be outside enjoying the quiet around us. We went with two friends of ours, so the company was enjoyable as well. I'd say it was one of the best gifts I have ever gotten for any occasion. There's pictures, so as soon I get them on my computer I'll put some up. I do look kind of funny on horseback!

A Poem

2007-02-07T09:42:00.000-08:00

Resurrecting A Dream

Eighty-four, knees weak, arms sore
Sat in a chair, staring
Wondering when it began
When exactly had he stopped caring?

His brow creased, mind recalled
A love for singing sweetly
Bringing dancing feet to meet the beat
A dream that somehow ceased to be

His voice once pure and sharp
Tickled the ears of the congregation
Pickled by his determination
His father disapproved his art

Jaded, soul stifled, feathers ruffled
His dream faded, lost in the shuffle
Attention to his studies hardened
Gardened condescension for his father

Time climbed, years disappeared
Argued the law in front of a judge
Saw money roll in, prosecuted crime
Inside him grew a tiny grudge

Held against those who had decided
Confided in him, their dreams
And chose to follow their desire
As he was supposed to have done

Regret saddened, belly fattened
Hair receded in the mirror
A reflection maddened his stare
How had life gotten so unfair?

Money, family, should be happy
Could have traveled another path
Pulled his wife aside, said, “honey”
“I think this marriage has unraveled at last.”

Heart broken, words unspoken
Spent life alone, uninspired
Tired of the law, soon fired
Moved on from the place he called home

Now he sat, spent days reading
Felt old, out of touch, in a haze
Awoke one morning, told himself
“I’m much to young to be in mourning”

Crept along the sidewalk, cane in hand
Stood on the corner of the street
Belted a song, clapped the beat
People swept by, tossed bills at his feet

Day after day, hour after hour
His voice danced along the breeze
No longer sour at his life choice
He took a chance, followed a dream

Joyful faces, smiles galore
People often wondered his story
Took many ways, many miles
For him to arrive at this place of glory

A local legend, they deemed
Famous for his vocal styling
An old man so gracious and beguiling
Never too old to realize a dream

February Column

2007-01-26T06:18:00.000-08:00

A gay idol?

I’m an American Idol fan. I didn’t watch the first season, when Kelly Clarkson won, but I have seen almost every other season since. Watching thousands of Idol hopefuls showcase their vocal chops in search of a pipe dream is beguiling and, like most of America, I was instantly hooked. At first, I just watched quietly. But then I began to notice that the gay community isn’t exactly fairly represented.

Throughout the six seasons, there have been countless gay individuals who have been ridiculed on national television. While this isn’t uncommon for those people who choose to embarrass themselves by auditioning when they know they aren’t the greatest singers, or for those who are just plain weird, it seems that AI almost goes out of its way to air the auditions of questionably gay contestants who may appear odd or freakish to the general public.

For example, Randy Jackson asked Zachary Travis, a contestant on last season’s show, if he was a girl. It was obvious that Travis was indeed a boy, though he could have passed as a drag queen. What made it worse was that he chose to sing, “Queen of the Night.” Then, after being rejected and made fun of for his appearance, AI played The Crying Game theme as Travis cried in front of his family.

I understand that most contestants who aren’t up to snuff receive ridicule and cruel comments from the judges whether they are gay or straight. But sexual orientation isn’t the same as a crazy outfit or a terrible singing voice. Going that extra inch to insult someone’s orientation, whether questionable or not, isn’t right on any level.

It’s widely known that AI uses its pre-auditioning process (the beginning part of the show, where the three notorious judges, salty Simon, peculiar Paula and raucous Randy, travel to different cities in search of the best singing talent in the country) mostly to attract attention and ratings. They not only search to find raw talent but also search to find the most horrible contestants as well. This, of course, is a perfect recipe entertainment as far as ratings are concerned but it’s not the part of the show that I enjoy watching.

What I enjoy most about the competition, are the weeks following the pick of the top twelve. They are the most entertaining because it gets down to serious competition. What I wonder, though, is if gay contestants have an equal shot? Is there a bias against them because of how the public might react? Do the judges take orientation into consideration?

American Idol’s audience is made up mostly of Middle America. What sells is what is appealing to the general public. Just take a look at past winners; a lot of them are cookie cutter pop stars. Even if Clay Aiken were gay, which I happen to think he is, coming clean about it on the show wouldn’t have helped him at all. I seriously doubt that he would have gotten as far as he had in the competition. Any Idol contestant that might be suspected of being gay wouldn’t dare touch on the subject because of fear that it might hurt his or her chances. Openly gay finalist Jim Verraros, from the first season, admitted this in an interview to 365gay.com. He was the closest thing to a gay Idol and he was good, but unfortunately not good enough. I’m hoping that maybe this season will be different.
It’s like waiting for the first woman president. Could this be the year? Is America ready for an openly gay Idol?

I guess I’ll just have to watch and see.

muy busy

2007-01-22T07:23:00.000-08:00

These past couple of weeks have been pretty busy for as far as going back to work and getting into the swing of things. There have also been some side projects going on that, although I would like to get back into my novel writing again. I'm thinking about changing my website, probably sometime in March so that I can update it more and keep it current.

I've moved out of my current place and back in with Melissa. I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but there were some people living below me who were running their own escort service and it was kind of crazy.

So I've spent many of the last few weeks packing and getting ready to move again.

I'm going to start writing columns again for Outcome (I took a mini break) and posting them again on here. Plus, I'll be taking some trips in the near future so there will be more pictures to view.

I have a digital camera that my wonderful parents got me for Christmas, so as soon as I figure out how to work it, I'll take some picture of my new living space.

Hmmmm, that's all of I've got. Maybe I need a signing off signature like Ryan Seacret (Seacrest Out)

Darcangel's time to fly ...?

or um, D's done...

or maybe just, til next time.

Felt like writing today

2007-01-03T13:20:00.000-08:00

Sisterly wake up call

In the middle of the night, around 4 a.m. I awoke from a deep sleep as if I heard a dreadful noise. I glanced around recalling the unfamiliarity of the guest room I was staying in. My brow dripped with sweat and I could feel a small pool of moisture at the small of my back. My stomach swam and my heart beat with the pace of racecar, circling around the track at full speed. I picked up my cell phone, shifted through the contacts and settled on one. The phone rang at the other end as I rocked my body back and forth to keep still.
“Hello,” said a warm voice.
“It’s me,” I said, choking back the tears.
“Okay. I’m here, what’s going on?”
“What if I made a mistake?” I was having a severe panic attack about a security deposit I had just made on an apartment.
“It’s okay. If you end up not liking the apartment, you can always look for another one, right?”
“Right. But what if I made a horrible mistake.”
“You didn’t at all. It’s just a deposit. You’ll have time to find another apartment if you need to.”
I sobbed some more through the conversation until my breathing slowed like a train … easing to a stop on the tracks. When I finally calmed down, I hung up the phone and fell back asleep.

It wasn’t the first or the last middle night phone call that I made to him, my twin brother. I had fallen into a deep depression do to some unforeseeable life circumstances and throughout my numerous panic attacks, he was there for me.

Growing up with a twin brother was special. I always felt unique in school as we shared the same teachers and friends. Birthdays were always a joint celebration, even if he was five minutes older than me. I was never lonely for a playmate. We did everything together all the way through high school. I remember wanting to be just like him athletically. We played the same sports and I never backed down from neighborhood football or hockey games, especially since I was the only girl. I’d let him strap some goalie pads to my legs and shoot pucks at me in the driveway. Sometimes, after a fresh snow, we’d play football in the front yard just so we could tackle each other into a pile of white powder. I excelled in English; he always excelled in math and science. Since we often had the same teacher, I would finish the English assignment and he would complete the math. Then we’d swap and copy each other’s work. I passed math with flying colors until college, when he wasn’t there with me to help me through it. Many times at night, when I couldn’t sleep, I would wander from my bedroom into his and climb into the top bunk. He slept on the bottom bunk. In the morning, he would wake up, see me there and think nothing of it. I must have crawled into that top bunk at least a hundred times. I remember one night when he crawled into my bed. He had watched a show about aliens before he had gone to bed. It was the only time he had ever admitted to being scared.

My twin brother and I are actually quite different. I paint with words, expressing myself through stories, poems and novels. He dabbles in something more concrete, selling medication to doctors. He likes to be able to see what’s there in front of him and not to go any deeper. Me, I like to dig to bottom. I like to let my emotions flow, whether painful or just pure joy. He’s not very expressive and often keeps his emotions hidden. I wear my heart on my sleeve for the world to see.

I remember the first birthday we celebrated apart, how it felt like something (or someone) was missing. He called me to say, “Happy birthday and I love you.” I think I almost cried. We’ve remained close throughout the years after high school and college. Somehow, as we’ve both gotten a little older, we’ve grown even closer. I have always known that I could count on him, but after recent events, I now know he’ll be there for me, through anything. Regardless of how different we may be, there is something that we will always have in common. We are twins. Even at four in the morning.

Ready for the New Year

2006-12-27T13:27:00.000-08:00

In a few days, it will be 2007 and I am SO ready for a new year. 2006 was a whirlwind for me. The first half was compiled with a bunch of highs and the second have was full of lows. I am hoping to make 2007 nothing but highs.

I know that I have been missing in action lately, but with everything that was going on I kind of lost my urge to write. Now I am feeling the motivation creep back in and it feels good. I left my third novel half done and I am eager to get back to it.

Most importantly, I am eager to get back to being me and enjoying myself again.

So, there are lots of things to look forward to for 2007.
1. My job
2. Possibly going back to school
3. Writing old and new stuff
4. Doing contracting work
5. Making a new website
6. Skiing
7. Soccer
8. Basketball
9. Meeting new people
10. Hanging out with friends
11. Taking trips
12. Living in a new space
13. Enjoying Melissa
14. Starting reiki again
15. Loving myself
16. Maybe a concert or two
17. Experiencing new adventures
18. Turning 29
19. And soooo much more ...

2007 ... Here I come!

The Perfect Storm

2006-10-17T07:09:00.000-07:00

Well, as most of you know ... Buffalo was hit with a whopper of a storm last Thursday. My car was practically hidden under almost two feet of snow, and that was just in my area alone. It took me three hours (with breaks in between) to shovel it out and to clear a spot in my driveway because it wasn't the nice fluffy snow, it was the wet, heavy snow. I had to take it on in layers, first the top, then the middle, then the slushy wet bottom. Being with out power over the weekend wasn't so bad, I got to hang out with some close friends and family. BUT, it's going on the fifth day now and I am still without power (so are over 200,000 other people I called NYSEG and the "estimated" time for me to have power back on is 10 p.m. tomorrow night. Whoo hooo! It's funny how we take the luxury of power for granted. It isn't until situations like these arise that we realize just how lucky we really are (and dependent). I am glad that I have good friends and family to shack up with while all of this is going on though.

Here are some pics of the storm that rocked Buffalo. of course, it's only October ... what's coming in the winter months ahead????

Boyz II Men

2006-10-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

"Never skipped a beat, while coolin on Charles St ..."

So I went to see my fav. group in concert last night and let me just say it was the best concert I have ever been to! I was able to get some good seat (9th row from the stage) and it was quite an experience to actually see an artist up close and performing. The venue was also smaller than a normal concert venue so it was a more intimate show. They did some new stuff (new album coming out in Feb. 2007) and some classics of course. AND, I made a bold move and approached the stage at one point, I got to shake Nate's hand!

I've never been that close to a celebrity before, let alone been able to actually touch one. I was like a little kid in a toy store, and I couldn't stop smiling the entire time. I am so glad that I decided to get tickets and see them perform.

In other news, I've been freelancing more which is great for my wallet. Looks like I have a couple more projects to do for Gelia, Wells and Mohr and then I have an interview next week with someone from Travers Collins. So life, keep em' coming. If you happen to be readin this and you need a freelance writer for your project or company, please feel free to e-mail me. I have a very reasonable rate and great references.

Other than that .. Boyz II Men, Abc, BBD ... MMMHMMMMMM ....

gooooood morning

2006-09-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

I have today off from work and I'm feeling pretty good about that. My father also comes into town today, he's staying with me for the entire weekend (should be interesting). I wonder what he'll think about the "dust bowl."
That's the nickname for my current apartment. It's okay for now, but I think I am going to look for another place once the spring comes. We'll see what happens, right now I am just taking things day by day. It's just the pace I need to be at right now.

I've decided that I like airports, or at least I like waiting to pick someone up. There are so many different kinds of people there, all waiting for the same purpose, all eager to see whomever they are waiting to see. I like watching them and wondering about them. It's actually entertaining.

I am going to roll over and snooze a little bit longer, just because I can.

Tray's Wedding

2006-09-14T07:27:00.000-07:00

September Column

2006-08-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

Raising the flag

I’ve always appreciated the rainbow flag. I remember once, when my twin brother (a man of very few words) and I were on a long road trip. He turned to me suddenly and asked, “So why do the gays have a rainbow as their flag?” I laughed, partly at his choice of phrasing and partly because it was so random. But, the mere curiosity of his simple question struck me. He really wanted to know, he was being sincere. And I, being “one of the gays” had no clue. I thought, shouldn’t I know the answer to this question? After a little research and some Internet surfing, I found my answer.

A San Francisco artist by the name of Gilbert Baker designed the rainbow flag in 1978 after a local activist requested a community symbol. Baker created a flag with eight stripes: pink, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. He proclaimed that these colors represented sexuality, life, healing, sun, nature, art, harmony and spirit. It wasn’t until after a well-known, openly gay political leader was assassinated that the San Francisco gay community decided to adopt the flag. Now the rainbow flag not only represents the dreams and aspirations of the gay community, it also provides a sense of pride.

I’ve been a fan of rainbows all of my life, even before I associated them with gay and lesbian pride. They are calming, especially when you see one rise up after the sun breaks through the seam of a dark gray cloud and lights up the sky. You don’t have to be gay to appreciated rainbows. You can even be a 12-year-old boy, who buys a rainbow flag for his parents because it reminds him of Kansas and “The Wizard of Oz.” But you wouldn’t ever expect such a simple gift to cause one of the biggest controversies to ever hit your town.

In Meade, Kansas, protesters led by the notoriously anti-gay Rev. Fred Phelps gathered outside the balcony of the Lakeway Hotel where the rainbow flag flapped carelessly in the wind. According to Planetout.com, owners J.R. and Robin Knight said that they didn’t put up the flag to make a political statement but rather because “it has pretty colors, it’s bright, it’s summery.”

Someone decided to cut the flag down. The Knights bought two more and hung it up again. Bricks were thrown through their hotel windows. And now protestors are gathering outside of their hotel, all because their son thought the flag was cool and gave it to them a gift.

Robin Knight said that her family plans to keep the flag flying high because caving in and removing it would send the wrong message to their son. Meanwhile, the daughter of Rev. Phelps, along with own her children, continues to chant about gays burning in hell outside of the hotel. How can something so colorful and meaningful ignite so much hatred?

The fact that this particular rainbow flag has absolutely nothing to do with the gay and lesbian community and still caused a controversy simply by its association says a lot.
When people see the rainbow colors flying high, they automatically assume that whoever has hung the flag is either gay or making a political statement.

When you stop to think about it, does it really matter?

What's been going on with me

2006-08-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

Well, it's almost September. A lot has happened. My best friend, Tracy, is getting married in a week and a half! It's kind of surreal since I've known her for 20 years. The wedding should be one big fun festival of fantabulousness.

So ... I moved out of my apartment with Melissa and in with Tracy for a month. I found another apartment, got myself settled and now I have a dust problem that seems out of control. I might have to give my notice and start searching for another apartment if the air filter and shampooing of the carpets does not work because it's really gross and getting all over everything I own, clothes and all! Has anyone else ever encountered such a problem?

Work is good. I enjoy my job as a copywriter and plan on doing it for a little while longer before I think about doing something else. I've been slacking in the creative writing department because there has been so much going on with moving and adjusting and trying to get myself back on track. I guess you can just call me a nomad ... because 2006 appears to be the year of the moves for me! I have a book that I am working on now that I really enjoy writing. I want to take my time with this one and see where it goes. The other two were written rather quickly, and while I think they are both good, I think that I also improve with each project I take on.

As far as my personal life goes, I think I'll keep that to myself right now.

justin timberlakes album comes out soon. that makes me smile!

Lyrics I like

2006-08-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

Closer to my dreams
It's coming over me

I'm gettin' higher
Closer to my dreams
I'm getting higher and higher
Feel it in my sleep

Some times it feels like I'll never go pass here
Some times it feels like I'm stuck forever and ever

But, I'm going higher
Closer to my dreams
I'm goin' higher and higher
I can almost reach

Some times you just have to let it go (Let it go, let it go)
Leaving all my fears to burn down
Push them all away so I can move on
Closer to my dreams
Feel it all over my being
Close your eyes and see what you believe

I'm happy as long as I'm here
Then I'm moving on to my dreams

I'll be moving higher (Moving higher)
Closer to my dreams

And higher and higher, higher
Feel it in my being (I can feel it flow around me)
I know that I could not go alone (No, no)

I'm moving higher (Higher), oh...
I'm going higher and higher and higher (Higher and
Higher)
Closer to my dreams (Higher and higher, oh...oh...)
I'm moving upward and onward and beyond all I can see
(Stretching out my arms so I can reach)

Feels so close it's like i can just reach
I can feel my dreams (Closer to my dreams)
I'm moving closer to my dreams
I'm moving (Higher and higher) higher and higher
(Higher and higher)
Moving higher, oh...

Fitness 101

2006-08-04T09:45:00.000-07:00

I mentioned a little while back about a health column that I would be writing in which my boss and I would flip flop every other issue, trying new and innovative health-related activities and then writing about them. My first assignment was to take a Bikram Yoga class. Although the article doesn't publish until September (the health tab is a bi-monthly publication), I thought I give you all a sneak peak!

‘Fitness 101’

Flexibility and I never really got along. Although, I did take gymnastics as a kid and even won a bronze medal once, but that was on the uneven bars where all I had to do was swing myself upside down. Since then, I’ve played mainly two sports throughout my life: basketball and soccer. I like to exercise occasionally, but I prefer team sports where some sort of contact is involved.
So, when Yoga first appeared in my local gym, I wasn’t about to try it. Just glancing through the window at the class gave me the impression that it was boring and anti-climactic. The thought of having to stretch my legs over my head while concentrating on a long and detailed breath didn’t strike me as enjoyable or even remotely comfortable. But … seeing as how this column is all about trying new and innovative health related activities, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to cast my first impressions aside and finally give yoga a try. And I’m not talking about just any yoga, oh no, I’m talking about Bikram Yoga, a “hot” new trend in which the Yoga class takes place in a 105-degree heated room. I figured, “Hey, what’s wrong with a little sweat?”
After a little research, I found Bikram’s Yoga College of India on Elmwood Avenue and persuaded a couple of fearless friends to take the class with me. Mark Drost, director and yoga instructor, advised me to wear loose clothing, drink plenty of water and not to eat anything at least two hours before the class. Since Mark is a certified Bikram Yoga instructor and has studied and practiced yoga for over 15 years, I trusted his advice.
“With yoga, you basically learn how to be aware of your body and to control your senses,” explained Mark.
Mark has been running the Bikram studio on Elmwood for the past three years, and because of its increasing popularity, he plans to move to a bigger location. He also owns studios in Ft. Lauderdale, New Haven, San Diego and West Palm Beach.
Bikram Yoga is comprised of 26 posture stretching and breathing exercises, and the routine is exactly the same for every class. The result is an increase of strength, flexibility and balance throughout your entire body.
“It’s not hard for a beginner to pick things up after the first class,” said Mark. “Every Bikram Yoga class is the same whether you’re here, in London or even Singapore.”
This was encouraging to me since I had never taken a yoga class, period. I arrived at the studio in a tank top and a pair of mesh shorts. The class was packed, and in a room that was heated at 105 degrees, more people in the class meant more heat. I was sweating as soon as I walked into the room. The thickness of the air instantly filled my lungs and I panicked slightly, wondering how on earth I was going to be able to breath for 90 minutes. Mark addressed this right away.
“I only have to show you how to breathe once and then your body will instantly adjust,” he explained.
Once the class was settled, Mark began. The first exercise was a breathing exercise, repeated numerous times to help your body adjust to the heat and be able to breathe properly. After a few minutes, my fears of being able to breathe disappeared and I was perfectly fine. The sweating, however, continued with each exercise. At first I found it difficult to keep my balance during some of the poses because you rely strictly on your own muscles for support. The point of Bikram Yoga is to stretch and rebuild muscles and each stretch or pose is repeated twice. Halfway through the class, I already felt stronger and was able to keep my balance more easily throughout other poses.
The most difficult thing about the class, at least for me, was the heat. There were a few times when I had to pause for a moment, wipe my face with a towel, drink some water and concentrate on my breathing. The extreme heat conditions, however, are an important aspect of the class. It speeds up the breakdown of glucose and fatty acids, makes muscles more elastic and less susceptible to injury, improves coordination, reduces heart irregularities associated with sudden exercise and burns fat more easily. High temperatures also improve the function of the nervous system.
“You have to trust that your body will adjust to the heat,” said Mark. “If you let any mental blocks get in the way, you won’t be able to concentrate and let your body do what it is capable of doing.”
Apparently, the body is capable of stretching and manipulating itself in many different positions. Throughout the class we worked every muscle, tendon, joint, ligament, internal organ and gland moving oxygenated blood through every inch of our bodies. At the end of the class, I felt as though I had just run a marathon.
Mark laughed and said, “We’re about half way though.” I almost fainted until I realized he had been joking. After the last pose, he advised everyone to lie on his or her back in the aptly named “dead body” or “Savasana” pose and take time to breath and reflect. The class was over but we were allowed to lie there as long as each of us felt necessary. I took my time, breathed deeply and thought, “I can’t believe I just did that!”
In order to be effective, Bikram Yoga must be practiced on a regular basis without long lapses in between classes. So, would I do it again? After surviving 105-degree heat, anything is possible.
For a class schedule or for more information on Bikram Yoga, call Bikram’s Yoga College of India at 882-4151 or visit www.Bikram-USA.com.

Tale of the Tape

Mission: Take a Bikram Yoga Class
Cost: $15 per class. Two-week special for $50. Monthly and yearly packages available.
Time Investment: 90 fun-filled sweaty minutes.
Sweat Factor (on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 meaning I barely broke a sweat, and 5 meaning “better bring an extra shirt”): I think I need to push the scale to 6.
Soreness Factor (again on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 meaning “Hey, that wasn’t so bad. I can do that again no problem,” to 5 meaning “Could someone help me put on my socks?”): 1
Anxiety Factor (you get the idea … 1 meaning there’s absolutely nothing to worry about, to 5 meaning “I hope my friends don’t see me doing this!”): 3
Equipment: A towel and a floor mat.
Attire: VERY little clothing as possible.
Etc.: Water, water and more water! Make sure that you are properly hydrated before and during the class. Bring an extra towel and an open mind. The class is a very rewarding experience.
The Final Word: Yoga is quite an intense workout!

Next issue: Joe Kirchmyer will be donating his platelets for the good of society!

Mark Drost demonstrates the “Trikanasana” or “triangle” pose.

August Column for Outcome

2006-07-31T14:16:00.000-07:00

“Bye, Bye, Bye” to the closet

When *Nsync first came on the radio, I was like, “Who are these guys?” I wasn’t impressed. Then I decided to give them a listen and like so many other girls across the country, I became hooked. I admit it. I’m an *Nsync fan. I love Justin Timberlake. I have all of their CDs and I still listen to them, especially when I make a trip out to Boston to hang out with a close friend of mine. She and I went to their concerts together. Yes, I went to see *Nsync in concert. I’m not ashamed! I’m proud of my boy band and their titillating harmonies.

The truth of the matter is, despite the prepackaged manufacturing – the boys can sing. I’ve always been a fan of any group that has the ability to harmonize and sing a cappella. That’s what drew me to the group in the first place. Aside from appreciating their talent, I developed a small and innocent crush on Lance Bass. And although the group has since disbanded, I’ve always held a special place in my heart for him. So, you can imagine my surprise when I came across the headline on Yahoo that read, “Lance Bass of *Nsync reveals he’s gay.”

Was I the only one surprised by this?

Looking back, it all makes sense actually. I never did read about Lance linked to other females and if there were such rumors floating about, Lance always cleared them up with comments like, “So and so and I are just really good friends.” Apparently, he was telling the truth. He was also the “shy” and “sensitive” one of the group. That should have clued me in right away.

It also makes sense to me as to why Lance chose not to come out during the *Nsync era. Although I’m positive that the public would have embraced him, I think that the reaction from music industry heads would have been a negative one. *Nsync was a moneymaking machine when it came to gum chewing, cell phone toting teenage girls. (And lesbians if you count me.) The last thing that any company who had a vested, financial interest in *Nsync would want was for one of the band members to come out of the closet.

“I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys’ careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything,” he told People Magazine. He wondered that if he had come out, would it had meant the end of *Nsync?

I guess we’ll never know. But consider Ellen’s situation in which, after she came out, her television show tanked in the ratings. It’s understandable why Lance had those same fears in the first place. Now that he is out though, he has something to look forward to. Since Ellen announced to the world that she was gay, her popularity has skyrocketed.

Some people might think that Lance chose to come out because of the attention. But I disagree. There are plenty of other things that celebrities who have fallen out of the spotlight can do to recapture at least 15 minutes of fame. Realty shows anyone? I think that he came out for the same reason that Ellen, Melissa Etheridge and Sheryl Swoops did – he just didn’t want to hide anymore.

Isn’t that the reason we all come out?

I am proud of Lance. He took a chance in coming out, as most of us do, and that says a great deal about his character. When I think about it, the thought of Lance and a possible *Nsync reunion excites me. If in 20 years from now, they decide to tour the country as middle-aged men who have lost their quick dancing feet and have gained receding hairlines, I’d still buy a ticket because I’m positive that their melodic harmonies will still be intact.

I’m admitting here and now, I’m coming out of the *Nsync closet! Just like Lance.

Lance is gay????

2006-07-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything," he tells the magazine.

'N Sync is known for a string of hits including "Bye Bye Bye" and "It's Gonna Be Me." The band went on hiatus in 2002. Bass has also found headlines for undertaking astronaut training and failing to raise money for a trip into space.

Bass says he wondered if his coming out could prompt "the end of 'N Sync." He explains, "So I had that weight on me of like, `Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did."

The singer says he's in a "very stable" relationship with 32-year-old actor Reichen Lehmkuhl, winner of season four of CBS' "Amazing Race."

Bass and Fatone, 29, are developing a sitcom pilot inspired by the screwball comedy "The Odd Couple," in which his character will be gay.

"The thing is, I'm not ashamed — that's the one thing I went to say," Bass says. "I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life. I'm just happy."

(information provided by Yahoo.com)

Top Ten

2006-07-14T12:42:00.000-07:00

Today at work, my co-workers and I e-mailed around our list of ten albums that we love. Not necessarily our top ten of all time, but top ten that we enjoy. Here is mine:

These wouldn't be my top ten of all time, but def. 10 of my favs.

1. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, Lauryn Hill
2. Nathan Michael Shawn Wanya, Boys II Men
3. Greatest Hits, Sam Cooke
4. Get Lifted, John Legend
5. College Drop Out, Kanye West
6. No Need To Argue, The Cranberries
7. Yes I Am, Melissa Etheridge
8. Thriller, Michael Jackson
9. Confessionas, Usher
10. Come Away With Me, Norah Jones

Allison - I was going to throw No Strings Attached, Nysnc but I ran out of room. That would be my eleventh!

July Column

2006-06-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

Father’s Day

I know that Father’s Day has come and gone. It’s July already. But recent events have led me to think about my relationship with my father. I’ve always been close with him. I’m his only daughter, so naturally we have a bond. He was the one I would go to for advice. He was the one who always knew the right things to say and when to say them. He was the one I looked up to, revered and wholeheartedly loved. I’m not taking anything away from my relationship with my mother. It was not better or worse, just different.

My father has always loved me unconditionally, and I think that when I came out to him it tested everything inside of him. He had visions, I’m sure, of walking me down the isle and handing me off to some handsome fellow waiting breathlessly at the other end. When I told him, it must have knocked the wind right from his gut. Yet, he stared at me soberly and even smiled, said that he didn’t care and that it was no big deal. I believed him.

It turned out that, even though he tried as hard as he could to hide it, my being gay was something he’d have to work through and adjust to. Arguments ensued and worldviews collided. One night I asked him what he would think if I had a commitment ceremony with another woman? Would he come? He refused and said that he couldn’t support it. I swallowed that as best as I could and through it all I remained respectful of him and his opinions. And he, in turn, respected mine. After some time, it became a backdrop to our lives. Things came up of course, mostly politically, that we discussed at length in an intelligent manner, always being respectful of one another. Other things, regarding my personal life, he seemed to accept in stride. And when I began dating, I think it made it real for him.

For a long time, my father viewed my “relationships” as “friendships.” I think because it made it easier for him. I had no problem with that at all, though sometimes I longed for him to recognize that my feelings for my girlfriend were no different than my brother’s feelings for his girlfriend, and that they mattered just the same. I have to admit that I once thought he never would be able to see things that way. I was wrong.

Recently, I’ve had to deal with some problems in my current relationship. When I told my father what was going on, when I melted in his arms and cried hard on his shoulder, he could see. He could see the hurt and the sadness that I felt. He could see that my feelings were real. He could see that love and pain could exist between two women. I knew he could see it because he told me that parents often want to fix everything for thier children, but when it comes to a broken heart they feel helpless. He compared my situation to my older brother’s and I knew. I knew that someday, when I decide to make a commitment to another woman and have a ceremony of some sort, he’d be there. No questions asked.

I think that my father and I have evolved since I first came out. Time has a way of putting things into perspective. For Father’s Day, I gave my father a framed pictured of us at football game last November when the Buffalo Bills played the Kansas City Chiefs. I love the Chiefs. My father loves the Bills. I was wearing my Chiefs hat. He was wearing his Bills hat. Plastered on our faces were two of the biggest smiles you’d ever see. The vibrant green field behind us painted the background.
It was a picture of him and I, a father and daughter with a common bond, in a crowd.

Poem

2006-06-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

Let’s not beat around the bush, so to speak.
I’m weak.
Heart open, mind bleak.
Thoughts reel. So real.
It’s impossible to hide how I feel.
I wear my heart on my sleeve
On my face.
I’ve never tried to deceive
Or pull an about face.
Don’t think I ever could
Ever would.
Want to?
Sometimes I do.
Sometimes it helps, to relieve in itself
The pain.
When I see the sun
I hope for rain.
Then maybe I could feel clean again.
Then maybe I could breathe again.
Then maybe I could eat again.
I may be stuck at the moment …
But it’s just a moment.
A week from now I’ll laugh
At my dramatic, erratic, static feelings.
And I’ll think why?
Why all the tears, fears and misconceptions?
I guess that happens when I lose direction
Or fall off my path.
Somewhere, deep inside my hollow stomach
I know I’ll find
Courage, strength, and peace of mind
And put my faith
In time.
Time heals everything … at least that’s what they tell me.

Music is Art

2006-06-11T08:13:00.000-07:00

The Music is Art Festival was on Saturday. My uncle was asked to paint a mural in a period of three hours during the festival. The mural is to be auctioned off at Rockin' at the Knox later this year. I went down to the festival to watch him work. It was a beautiful day. My father bought a birdfeeder that he is very proud of. The front of it is the face of a man picking his nose, and the bird hole is his nostril. I wish I had taken a picture of it to share. But I do have pictures of my uncle's painting. He chose to do a portrait of his girlfriend, Mary.

Here is the sketch

Here is the mural at midpoint

And of course, the final product!

It was awesome to watch the whole painting come together. I wonder how much it will sell for at the auction?

I'm an Aunt ... again!

2006-06-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

So my nephew was born this morning!!! He's a healthy 7 pounds and 20 inches! Whoo hoo!

Welcome to the world, Titus. Yes ... his name is Titus (named after my great uncle).

Titus D'Arcangelo.

Tie for short!!!!

June Column

2006-05-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

It’s not just a sprint, it’s a marathon

Relationships. Sometimes I wonder if they are just one huge maze that we are supposed to find our way through during our lifetime. Some of us, the lucky ones, make it through unscathed. They find the light and the end of the tunnel and they succeed. Others go ‘round in circles, hitting one dead end after another.

For some, staying single is a viable option. You only need to worry about yourself and your emotions. Venturing too far into the maze where the risk of getting hurt is too much to bear never even crosses your mind. You like being safe – safe from the possibility of having your heart broken, of having to pick up the pieces and start over.

I’ve never been one to play it safe. I like to throw myself, my all, into each and every relationship I experience, sometimes to my detriment. I’m a feeler not a thinker. I go with my heart first and when I fall, I fall hard. Unfortunately, this only leaves the door open for me to get hurt even harder. My relationships have all been unique and with each one I’ve learned a great deal about myself as a person. I’ve also learned a great deal about the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with.

I remember that my grandmother, the wise woman that she is, told me once that relationships, especially marriages, are one big cycle of falling in and out of love. It’s how you maneuver through the down turns in the cycle that determines the fate of the relationship. She loved my grandfather, yes, but they had their struggles. Their marriage worked though, because they were able to handle the hard stuff. They never gave up, never quit on each other. They pushed ahead and persevered.

The Buffalo Marathon was this past weekend. I had two special people in my life running in it. One ran the full marathon and the other ran the half. Both of them succeeded, crossing the finish line and accomplishing their own personal challenges. I’ve never in my life wanted to run a marathon and I don’t see that changing any time soon. But as I watched the runners tread the pavement, giving it everything that they’ve got, I understood their drive and determination.

A relationship is, in many ways, like a marathon. You start off with a sense of purpose; you know exactly where you want to go and what you need to do to get there. Those who try to sprint through it will most likely fail. A marathon requires endurance. Start off at a steady pace and pay close attention to your body, how it feels and what it is telling you. Sprinting won’t work for a relationship either because a relationship also requires endurance. And you also must pay close attention to your body and what your heart is telling you.

Much like a marathon, during a relationship you will experience a wealth of emotions ranging from elation to pure exhaustion, and from excruciating pain to pure satisfaction. Sometimes you’ll want to give up and walk away. But it’s those who fight through it and keep on running that feel the greatest sense of triumph once they cross the finish line.
The only difference between a marathon and a relationship is that in a relationship, there isn’t a finish line. There’s just a feeling you get when you look back at how far you’ve come, and you sigh.

It’s then that you know every step of the way was worth it.

Soul Patrol, Top Chef and more!

2006-05-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

Last night was a crazy night in television! There were ten things I wanted to watch at once, okay - maybe not ten, but at least three.

First there was the Sabres game.Our home team is in the final for the west, which means if they win this series against Carolina, they go to the Stanley Cup Finals. It's so exciting! Especially since Buffalo is known for our mishaps in professional sports. Our winning basketball team, yes we had one, the Buffalo Braves took off for L. A., leaving us with an football team, a hockey team and a minor league baseball team. Though the Bisons have been very successful, they aren't recognized nationally because they aren't a part of Major League Baseball. So that leaves us with the Buffalo Bills and the Sabres to establish our sports reputation. The Bills have been to the Super Bowl 4 consectutive times, but this amazing feat is overshadowed by the fact that they lost every single contest. But we have light at the end of the tunnel. The Sabres won 4-3 last night against Carolina, and are leading the series 2-1. I kind of have a feeling, this might be the year that Buffalo wins a championship people!!!

Then, I was flipping back and forth between American Idol and the Phoenix Suns game. The Suns were winning, so were the Sabres, so I thought I'd watch the finale between Tayor Hicks and Katherine McPhee.

First of all, American Idol producers are the biggest cheeseballs on the planet. The show was one big eye roll overall, although I enjoyed seeing the women finalists bust out in their screaming red dresses. That was hot. Whoever writes the singles for the finalists need to be fired. It's Kelly Clarkson's "A Moment Like This" reworked and rewritten a billion times over. Enough. Time to get Ne-Yo up in there to write a hot song that matches the finalists styles. Taylor singing, "do I make you proud" was ridiculous. I don't even want to touch on Katherine's single because it totally was the wrong song for her style of singing. Lame. Ok - Taylor won. Soul Patrol in the house. While Taylor's antics may be somewhat annoying, the white boy can blow. I love his voice, especially when he sings Sam Cook or Otis Redding. I liked Taylor from his first audition. And Katherine, I adored her. She's so damn cute! I would have voted for either of them, but I don't vote. I just watch sometimes. American Idol lost some of its luster for me during the top 12 showdown. It was just eh. But I'm happy for Taylor.

Then there's Top Chef. I totally love that show! Maybe because I'm not that good of a cook myself. I don't know. I just think it's incredible how much these people know about food. And the stuff they come up with looks sooooo tasty! Anyways, the final was between Tiffiany and Harold. Personally, I would have like to see Harold and Dave in the finale, but I think for ratinds sake the judges took Tiffiany. She's a biotch - at least that is how she was portrayed. There's no doubt she can cook but her attitude and outlook sucks. There was a point when one of the guest judges asked Harold and Tiffany (separately) whether they cook for themselves or the customers. Harold said both, which makes sense. Tiffany pretty much said herself in so many words, which pretty much says it all. The view poll showed Harold at 97% for people who wanted him to win and Tiffany at 3% or something close to that. That too, pretty much says it all. Harold won - love it!!!!

After the Sabres won, Taylor won and Harold won - I didn't think it could get much better than that. Then I flipped back to the Suns game. I've like the Suns ever since Charles Barkley was on the team. The score was 114 - 105 with 3:43 to play and the Suns losing. But then, Steve Nash took control, hit a couple of 3 pointers and dished to Shaun Marion for a go ahead basket. Dallas came back and hit a shot with under five seconds to play. The score was 118 -117. The Suns took a timeout, regrouped, got the ball into Boria Diaw who dribbled, turned and drained a jumper with .5 seconds remaining. I was shocked - it was the best three minutes of basketball I've seen in a long time in the NBA.

The Suns won. The Sabres won. Harold won. Taylor won.

It was one hell of a night.

May Column for Outcome

2006-05-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

The Ex Factor

X’s are a funny thing. No, I’m not talking about the kind you crisscross with O’s at the end of a love letter or mark up a chalk board with in order to execute the perfect play. I’m talking about the kind that lingers in your life even after they are gone, either physically or emotionally, and impact every newfound relationship you embark on. The kind that used to be the center of your world, the kind that you either try to forget, can’t forget or forget to call on special occasions for whatever reason. I’m talking about the ex-lover, ex-partner, ex-whatever-you-want-to-call-it or simply, the ex.

I’ve had a few in my life. Some I recall quite fondly, like my high school sweetheart who was such a sweet and caring guy. Then there was my first girlfriend who helped me take those baby steps out of the closet (though she later turned out to be somewhat obsessive). There are those who I cringe at the mere thought of, and think why did I date this person for so long? And other noteworthy flings who served as either some form of distraction or exploration at certain stages of my life.

While I’ve kept in touch with a couple of my ex’s over the years, I’ve never really had a solid friendship with any of them until recently. My former girlfriend, who probably should have just been my friend all along, is currently my closest friend. She knows me better than any other friend of mine, has helped me through some tough situations and knows how to make me laugh. All of these things are the kinds of qualities that I look for in a friend. Yet, because of the fact that we dated some situations that would normally be simple become complicated. There have also been some tough issues that have presented themselves between my current girlfriend and I as a direct result of my friendship with my ex. Even though the fact that we dated is more of an afterthought than anything else, there are instances in which we just cannot get around it.

Ex’s are unavoidable because as each new relationship blooms, there will always be a discarded ex lurking in the weeds. I know that I’m not the only one dealing with difficulty when it comes to this type of situation. My girlfriend is still trying to find a balance with her ex as far as their friendship is concerned and, of course, figuring out how I fit into all of that. Another friend of mind is going through such a horrible break up that I doubt she’ll even want to extend a bridge of friendship to her ex. To complicate things even further, I recently introduced my ex to one of my girlfriend’s friends. And it just so happens that they share the same ex. Got that? It’s an ever-continuing web of lesbian links, not unlike Alice’s chart on the “L-Word,” and it just keeps growing and getting more intricate as time goes on.

I don’t see my ex fading out of my life anytime soon and I am doing my best to ease the situation for all parties involved. It isn’t always easy and at times it’s more work than anything else, but in the end I think it’s worth it. I get to keep all of the good stuff, the stuff that made me like this person in the first place, the shared jokes and the things in common.

Can we ever truly form a symbiotic relationship between an ex, a new partner and ourselves? I don’t know. I’m not an expert or anything. I think that if the situation can be a positive one, then yes it is possible. But this kind of friendship will only work if you are able to let the negative stuff go. Sometimes it isn’t a healthy to remain friends for either person. It’s then that you pack the memories worth saving up in a little shoebox, slide it in the back of the closet and continue on with your life. You don’t have any intention of looking back. But you will look back and it doesn’t matter if it’s with love, regret, sadness or relief. You will always remember your ex, shoebox or not. It’s just a fact.

And that’s the ex-factor.

My Birthday

2006-05-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

Today I turn 28 and so does my twin brother. This past weekend, Melissa threw me a surprise party. I’ve never had one before and it was by far the best birthday experience of my life so far. She was soooo good! She snuck around all week preparing for it and I had no clue. When we arrived home from dinner, a living room full of close friends jumped out at me and I was baffled, excited, scared, startled, and embarrassed all at once.

Then, to top it off, Melissa brought out the birthday cake. For those of you who know me pretty well, it should come as no surprise that I love the Kansas City Chiefs.

Check out the cake!

My birthday is going well so far. My boss’ wife made a plate of chocolate covered strawberries for me and my co-workers brought in snacks. It’s a beautiful day outside and later I’m going to dinner with my father, grandmother, Melissa and Melissa’s mother at a cute little Italian restaurant for some chicken parm.

It usually doesn’t take much to make me smile. And after this past weekend my face hurts from grinning. Here’s to another year older, and another year ahead of wonderful things to come!

Boston Tomboy

2006-05-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

Ah ... I’m back in the B-lo. Boston was fun, but it’s a relief to be out of the traffic, noise and crowds of people. For me the city is good in small doses, like chocolate. The ride there and back was awesome because Tray and I got to talk, I really do love our conversations and it’s been awhile since we’ve had a detailed one. I know she’s planning on moving to North Carolina in a few years and I want to make more of an effort to hang out with her. Allison is the big 30 now, her party was a success and I think she was pretty satisfied with the turn out. On Friday night we decided to hang in and watch Gone With The Wind. It was the never-ending movie, but I could see why it’s considered such a classic. I’ve never read the book, I know I know. I’m a writer. Why wouldn’t I have read a great American classic like this one. The answer is: I don’t know, I just never did. I can appreciate it but it’s not the kind of book I’d want to settle into an easy chair with. Watching the movie satisfied my curiosity. Well, 75 percent of the movie actually. We never finished it.

You know, I was thinking. It’s hard to write about personal stuff in here because I know that my family, as well as bunch of random people, read this. I have journals at home that I can use to write my own private thoughts in but today I’m feeling zesty I guess.

First thing on my mind: When we were strolling around Boston on Saturday we stopped in a bookstore. Bookstores bring up a whirlwind of emotions within me. Sometimes I get so inspired that I want to race home, flip open my lap top and create another story. Other times I feel so overwhelmed. I peruse the fiction section with an open mind, and yet I can’t help but wonder what it might feel like to have my own last name be organized alphabetically on the bookshelf. I take the time to read some of the book jackets and think: how did this get published? A lot of stories have the same plot – a single woman who struggles through her thirties, meets the perfect man along her travels and has to choose between him or her career, him or another man, or him or her pride. I prefer the “out of the box” novels because those are the kinds that I find entriguing, and those are the kinds I write. Sometime I feel like I’ll be there soon, but then sometimes I feel like it’s light years away.

Second thing on my mind: My femininity. It seems like it’s been a prevailing issue this weekend. On the way to Boston we stopped at Tray’s Mom’s house and spent the night. I left my hair gel there, the kind that keeps it all spiky. It’s the only kind that works for me. So on Saturday, when we were getting ready to walk around the city I realized I forgot it. (there’s a point to this, I promise). Allison had some hairspray and some mousse but it didn’t help. My hair was flat, and since my hair is so short, when it’s flat it looks more like a boy’s cut. We walked around the city and every store window we passed, I saw my reflection and it actually bothered me that people might assume I was a boy or assume that I am trying to be a boy. I know that I am a tomboy and that’s perfectly fine by me. I love who I am, but it pisses me off when people assume that because I don’t wear skirts often or tight fitting jeans that I want to be a boy. I have never in my life wanted to be the opposite sex. I love being a woman. But it doesn’t make me any less of a woman because I dress a certain way or because I have short hair. I don’t think that people (people who don’t really know me) realize what a struggle this was for me. I spent my years of high school trying to be something I wasn’t. I always knew I was a tomboy but for some reason I thought it was wrong. I tried to dress like every other girl, I tried to care about make up and grew my hair out past my shoulders. I tried so hard and I failed miserably. What I succeed at is being me. Being comfortable with the clothes I wear and knowing that I’m a woman through and through regardless. I wish other people could just accept that. I’ve spent enough time analyzing myself and I don’t need other people to do that as well. I’ve finally found a place where I feel comfortable. I wear a mix of boys and girls clothes, not for any other reason than for style (my unique style) and comfort. Don’t get me wrong, having to wear a dress in a wedding isn’t a traumatic experience for me as some may think. It doesn’t make me cringe and I’m perfectly fine showing off my legs on occasion. But I don’t pretend to be ultra feminine because I know that’s not me. I don’t pretend to be anything but who I am. And for people to question that, it stings just a little bit.

leaky tub

2006-04-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

My bathroom tub leaks through the floor in the basement. This week, someone is coming over to fix it and he has to rip out the old tub and put a new one in. Therefore, Melissa and I have to stay with at my parents’ house. Not that big of a deal really, just more of an inconvenience. This past weekend Melissa and I had two friends over for dinner (barb & kate) and we drank a little wine and played Monopoly. I used to play monopoly all of the time with my friend Annie when I was younger, I forgot how much fun it could be.

Work is going to be slow this week because I finished the two articles I have been working on so basically I’m doing research for an upcoming article. Ads are coming in gradually, I’m guessing because people aren’t quick to reserve money for advertising when gas prices are topping off at $3.00 a gallon. Ouch. I’m thinking we need to become an oil independent country but I’m not sure our good ol’ Pres agrees. I wonder if he has a Swiss bank account that just keeps piling up with cold hard cash as the rest of us struggle at the pump. Just a thought. I could be wrong of course …

I ran four miles on Friday. I can run about 2.5 easily, but Melissa suggested I try 3.5 with her. I thought, one more mile, no biggie. Then it turned out the route we ran was actually four miles. My thighs were so sore by the time I finished. I used to hate running because unless there was a ball involved I couldn’t understand the purpose. But I’m starting to appreciate it more and I can’t knock the feeling I get when I’ve finished a run. I don’t think I’ll ever feel the need to run a marathon or anything that ambitious, but I can see myself keeping up the shorter runs. Mix that in with basketball and soccer and I’ve got the perfect recipe for maintaining a healthy body. I’m thrilled that Melissa has decided to run a half marathon though. She’s been talking about it for a while and I think she’s determined to prove to herself that she can do it. I know she can do it, there isn’t a doubt in my mind. I’m just happy to share this experience with her and I know how good she’s going to feel when she crosses the finish line.

I’m heading back to bean town in a couple of days. I haven’t been there since last Spring, which is a long time for me. I used to go two or three times a year but now that a big part of my life is in Buffalo there really isn’t any reason to jump in my car and drive. I wish Melissa was coming with me but I think the trip will be a good opportunity for me and Tray to catch up on some things.

In two weeks I’ll be 28. But I still feel like I’m 12.

April Column for Outcome

2006-03-31T06:41:00.000-08:00

Rest in peace

I’m uncomfortable at funerals. I try to shuffle through a list of emotions as I would songs on my Ipod, never sticking to one long enough to really feel it before I’m on to the next. I fidget. I shift my weight from one leg to the other while pondering the meaning of life and its dark-cloaked twin, death. I mourn, like so many others who have lost a loved one, a friend, a relative or a spouse.

This is the way I get through a funeral and I couldn’t imagine having to do this with a chorus of protestors in the background yelling and holding up signs that say, “God Punishes Homosexuals.”

Puzzled? So am I. I cannot fathom a rational reason as to why anyone who believes whole-heartedly in something would choose a funeral as their battleground to voice their opinion.

On March 27, Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher signed a law to force protesters to keep their distance from military funerals. It seems that members of the Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, have been demonstrating around the country at funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq. With signs held high to the sky that read “God Hates Fags,” or “Thank God for Improvised Explosive Devices,” the protesters claim that American soldiers are dying because God is punishing America for tolerating homosexuality. It’s the same old rhetoric that was passed around after Katrina struck New Orleans. “It’s because Ellen hosted the Emmys,” one well-known and respected evangelist had said. Are you kidding me? Hello people! Soldiers are dying because they are part of a war. That’s what happens in wars. People die. And what about all of the soldiers that died in wars past, what was God punishing us for then? When does it end?

This is America, land of the free. It’s also the land of the “feel free to voice your own opinion.” But there is a time and a place, and a funeral for a soldier who was killed in Iraq is neither the time nor the place.

Kentucky is one of fives states that has had to enact such a law. A number of other states are now considering legislation as well. The law requires protesters to stay at lease 300 feet away from funerals or memorial services. Any one caught violating the law can get up to a year in jail. It boggles my mind that we would even need to pass such a law in the first place.

You know, I consider myself a spiritual person. From what I gather most people who believe in God do so out of love. They express love and faith and use them as guidelines for the way they live their lives. So how is protesting at someone’s funeral an expression of love and faith? A funeral is a place to honor the dead, to give them up to God so to speak and to pay respect. The irony is that the only reason those people are allowed to protest in the first place is because their right to do so was upheld by the same soldiers they are disrespecting now.

The absurdity of this whole situation is laughable and yet, when I think about it, it makes my stomach turn. How can these people have nothing better to do with their time than go to a funeral only to protest while others mourn? I doubt that if the situation were reversed and they lost a loved one, they would want to see a bunch of angry, sign-wielding people across the street yelling horrific obscenities and howling like a pack of angry wolves at the funeral. They would want what the rest of us want.

They would want their loved one to rest in peace.

A Not So Sweet Sixteen

2006-03-24T12:45:00.000-08:00

I was riding in a limo bus on my way home from a fancy dinner at the Skylon Tower (courtesy of Melissa's company) when I heard the news. "Duke lost," one of her co-workers said casually. "Duke lost?" I asked in disbelief. After all, Duke is my favorite college basketball team and ever since Laettner hit that last second shot way back in 1992 against Kentucky I expect them to make a solid run in the NCAA tournament every year. But to my dismay, it was true. Duke did lose and LSU knocked them out. It's OK, I got over it especially since my back-up team was still in the running.

I'll admit it, I jumped on the Gonzaga band wagon after I watched Adam Morrison play during a game back in the fall and instally booked a seat. There was something about the way he played, he wasn't flashy or anything like that, he was just a fundmentally sound basketball player. It was something I appreciated and enjoyed watching. After we got home from the dinner event, I simultaneously switched on the television and my pajamas. Then I settled on the couch to watch the rest of the Gonzaga game. They were leading by ten with about four minutes left to play. The next thing I knew, they were losing by one and had to put up a last second miracle shot to win the game.

If any of you follow college basketball, heck even if you don't, you already know the outcome. This pic of Adam Morrrison says it all ...Gonzaga lost.
Now I have to find some other team to root for. I think I'll go with Boston College because A. - they are underdogs and I love rooting for the underdog and B. - I used to live in Boston.
At least my Blue Devils still have a solid chance in the women's tournament.

fun assignment

2006-03-15T13:35:00.000-08:00

Click on this to see the health tab. I took the cover pic and wrote the article.

First let me say that my boss is, by far the best boss I've ever had. Part of my job here at the good ol' Buffalo News is to write articles for this boring special section called Health. It pubs bi-monthly and comes as an extra tab in the newspaper. I write about everything from medi-spas to chiropractic care to staying fit in the summer. Usually all the articles are written with a positive spin because, well, it's part of advertising. Anyhoo - Joe (my wonderful boss) called me into his office yesterday and asked if I would be interested in writing a personal humor column for Health about my own experiences in the real world. He said that the News would send me on such adventures as rock climbing, massage therapy, hip-hop dance classes - anything having to do with health related issues. And the News would be footing the bill. Of course I said yes! He still has to run the idea by the powers that be, but I'm hoping that it will be a go. I find myself laughing in my chair when I think about the kinds of things I could write about. Hell I might even be able to swing some Lasik Eye Surgery in there if I'm lucky!

Update on the assignment - It's a go! I'll be posting that column on here as well. Stay tuned : )

The Weather in Buffalo

2006-03-11T13:25:00.000-08:00

OK - the weather in the good ol' B-lo is seasonably warm today. ( I know Allison was wondering!)

So these past couple of weeks have been relatively busy. There's a lot going on - just too much to write about. Melissa and I have been moving things from my place to hers every weekend so that on moving day I won't have to move much of anything. I seriously can't wait to be at her place (or our place) permanently because living between places is annoying.

Today, at basketball, I was reminded once again of why I need contact lenses. The ball slipped through my hand at one point and smacked me in the face. My glasses are fine but I have a cut just below my eye from them. It's time to get some contact lenses. I'm playing soccer, basketball, volleyball and skiing. All of these activities would be better enjoyed if I didn't have to wear my glasses.

I love this time of year - it's march maddess - yeah baby. For those of you who don't know I'm a big college basketball fan. If you want to know why, go to my website and click on "columns" then scroll down and read about why I love college ball. I'm watching a game right now if fact ... anyways, on to the Oscars. You know, I really didn't watch them. I watched the begining and then I caught the end where they gave the award for best picture. I saw Crash and I saw Brokeback. They are two completely different movies and I can understand why Crash won. I just find it odd that you give someone an award for best director (Ang Lee - Brokeback) and then give someone else the award for best picture. Doesn't the best director usually direct the best picture? I mean, isn't that the point? I don't know. Maybe there was too much hype around Brokeback or something. Either way, both Crash and Brokeback are worth seeing.

That's all I've got on my mind right now.

March Column for Outcome

2006-02-28T07:22:00.000-08:00

Why ‘Brokeback’ broke the mold

Being that March is Oscar time and, let’s face it, most gay people LOVE the Oscars, I decided to focus my attention on the movie that’s been making headlines for a few months now. And not just because it’s a “gay cowboy movie.”

Brokeback Mountain isn’t just a story about two gay cowboys passing the time while herding sheep with a few romps in the hay. To anyone who addresses it as such, please rephrase. The truth of the matter is this, Brokeback Mountain is a timeless love story. It’s timeless because it will stick with you even after the credits have rolled.

I admit that I was a bit skeptical about the movie before I saw it. I read through the critic’s reviews as swiftly as I would read the back of a cereal box. There have been countless times where I have gone to see a movie simply because it had gotten such rave reviews, then afterwards I find myself wondering if I had maybe missed something that everyone else saw.

When it comes to gay themed movies, there have been many that have left a dissatisfied taste in my mouth. Either they center on sex, portray reckless behaviors or are done in poor taste. While I may know that these movies do not accurately portray the majority of the gay population, some naïve heterosexuals may rely on these movies to define how they view homosexuality. After seeing Brokeback Mountain I thought, “This is it. This is the movie that will open up people’s minds.”

And how can it not? The adaptation of Annie Proulx’s literary masterpiece is so tastefully and accurately done, it’s as if you are watching the short story unfold page for page upon the screen. Add in some exceptional acting, sprawling scenery and impeccable direction and you’ve got the making of an Oscar winner.

This is a powerful story of two young men, Jack Twist and Ennis DelMar, who meet in the summer of 1963 sheepherding in the harsh, tall grasslands of modern-day Wyoming and form an unlikely yet undeniable bond that spans a lifetime.

The plot of the story focused on a love so intense and unavoidable, that it kept the most two unlikely partners coming back for more. It’s the kind of love that swallows you up whole with the force of a title wave, and leaves you treading ferociously in its aftermath. All you want to do is to be able to keep your head above it, so you don’t end up drowning in it. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t see color, race, or even sexual orientation. It’s the kind of love that just is.

For anyone who saw this movie and left the theater wondering, “Did I miss something?” I implore you to pick up a copy of the short story, sit down with it in a comfortable chair and indulge. Let the words sink in and I promise you will get it once you are finished.

Being billed simply as a “gay cowboy movie,” doesn’t do it justice because Brokeback Mountain is more complex than some care to admit. It will rest on your mind like an awkward moment, tugging at you for attention while you try to forget it. But you can’t forget it. You’ll find yourself a pinch close to falling asleep, when a scene will suddenly pop into your head, or bit of conversation exchanged between the two main characters will race through your ears.

You’ll mutter, “I wish I could quit you,” just like Jack Twist and you’ll merely carry on with your life.

Random Thoughts and Pitch for The Crabapple Tree

2006-02-24T13:32:00.000-08:00

It's 4:30 Eastern Time, I'm tired. It's the time of the day when you either are rushing to finishing something or looking to pass those last thirty minutes by either surfing the web or pretending to work (most likely both).

Here are my random thoughts for the day:

• I've decided that after not eating meat for an entire year, I probably shouldn't have eaten that hamburger for lunch.
• Why is everyone making such a big deal about Sasha Cohen falling at the Olympics. So she fell - she still got a silver medal. Let the girl be!
• The L-Word podcast hasn't been updated yet and I've realized that there are at least 1,000 people more obsessed with it than I am. (read the comments on their latest blog post!)
• Dress down days are the best thing since sliced bread.
• After writing copy for Fine Homes, I realize that 1,110,000 (average price) is a bit more than what I'd want to pay for a home.
• Sara Omara is a damn good lunch buddy.
• IM is the best way to keep in touch with your girlfriend when you are at work.
• Jade plants only require water every 7-10 days. Maybe this time I won't drown my latest plant!
• My "buddy" from Boston has the weirdest girl troubles sometimes.
• What's Your Alma Mater? - from Steve & Barry's is a pretty good last minute tagline.
• Sometimes, my spikey hair takes on a life of its own.
• Why do agents and publishers make it as complicated as possible for someone to get published?
• Nick Lachey has a new song out and you know what? It's not lame.
• Speaking of songs, how come Itunes hasn't released "so sick" by Ne-Yo when it's already all over the radio?
• A really good bread knife from Cutco costs about $80 bucks. But as Annie says, "It's an investment!"

That's all I've got for today. Here is my current pitch for The Crabapple Tree which I am trying to get published.

Do you remember when you were twelve and you developed your first crush? Do you remember the tingles, the butterflies, the sweats and all? Can you imagine the confusion you might have felt if that crush was on someone of the same sex? This is the exact situation that twelve-year-old Busy Wheeler faces in my work of Gay & Lesbian Fiction, The Crabapple Tree.

Told entirely from Busy’s point of view, The Crabapple Tree takes the reader on a personal journey with her as she tiptoes along the edge of her teens and realizes that life isn’t so simple anymore. She’s adopted, an outcast at school, best friends with a mentally handicapped boy named Billy and having feelings that no girl her age should have for another girl. Worst of all, she’s struggling to understand her relationship with her mother who wishes she were more feminine. After getting into too many fights at school, Busy’s parents decided to send her away to live with a distant aunt for the summer. However, Busy soon finds out that there isn’t as much distance between them as she thought. During her summer away, Busy hopes to learn the answers to all of the billion and one questions swirling around in her head before she returns home. What she doesn’t know is that she just might end up learning more about herself than she bargained for.

There are countless times when I have been asked the question, “When did you first know you were gay?” The answer I give? I knew when I was only eight. Even though I didn’t recognize the term gay or knew what it meant, I understood the emotions connected with it. I was able to draw upon these experiences and feelings to help create a realistic internal conflict within Busy’s character. The Crabapple Tree sheds insight into the turmoil young homosexuals face when they first realize what it really means to be gay and how it’s simply another facet to the many complexities of growing up.

Vermont

2006-02-15T07:19:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend was our (Melissa and I) annual skiing trip to Vermont. We stayed at an Inn called The Garrison. For all those skiers out there planning on taking a run at Mad River or Sugar Bush - I say go for it. BUT, by any circumstances, DO NOT STAY AT THE GARRISON. It's smelly, yucky, scary green carpet, 70's style, put a sheet over the couch before you sit on it, nastiness! Besides that, it was a hell of a good time.

Here we are at the very top of Sugar Bush before we head down a double black diamond that just about makes me want to piss my pants. No bueno. Sugar Bush skiing was about a 6.5 (mostly because of the sprawling views from the top of the mountains).

Mad River was AWESOME. I could have skied there all day long. They offer a great deal for a $25 lift ticket from 12-4. The conditions were perfect and the hills were both fun and challenging. They also have the last working single chair lift - it was quite an experience. I give Mad River a 9.5!

As an extra bonus, we visited the Ben and Jerry's Factory. I think Melissa was being called home to her mothership.

All in all it was an awesome trip and I'm looking forward to next year's already.

Kelly Clarkson and Moving

2006-02-09T07:56:00.000-08:00

K, this is the exact reason why I like Kelly Clarkson so much. Last night, when she won her first grammy EVER - she muttered and sputtered over her words during her acceptance speech - overwhelmed to tears. There's something so innocent and vulernable about that - smoething that hasn't yet been jaded by the illusion that is Hollywood. I love that. Hopefully Kelly won't become jaded in the next couple of years and will just remain her cute little average girl self that makes her so appealing to the masses.

My favorite Kelly Clarkson moment: during her second speech she randomly calls out - Bonnie Rait - I love you!

So my parents are making the big move down to Georgia in the Spring. I spoke with my father last night and it seems like the plan is for my mother to just stay in Florida and not come back to the B-lo. Therefore, my father is handling the move all by himself. He's selling off a bunch of furniture and throwing things out. We cleaned out my bedroom together last weekend. There's something aching in me to be released - maybe tears? - when I think about the reality of my parents not living in the same state as me. It's not like I've never lived away from them before, but there is some finality to it this time. My father and I also disscussed my situation with Melissa and how me being gay is just a non issue in my family. I wanted to ask him at that point, "so does this mean you'd come to a ceremony if I asked you to?" But I didn't. I think that I already know that he will, whenever that happens. I just wanted to linger in the moment and enjoy the comfortability of the conversation. I think I'm going to miss him more than I've let on. BUT - the flip side is that I'll moving in with Melissa in about a month. Another big step and one that I am totally ready for. Plus, I'll be bunking with these two roomates -

how friggin cute are layla and greta???
My only pet peeve is that they shed all over me, but if they can live with me leaving wet towles on the bed, I think I can handle a little dog hair clinging to my sweater.

Feburary Column and the Planet Podcast

2006-02-06T13:40:00.000-08:00

Here is the Outcome Column for February 2006

Commitment Complications

A few weeks ago, my best friend from childhood got engaged. The wedding, to be held this fall, is going to be somewhat of a small ceremony for close friends and family. I, of course am going to be a bridesmaid. The saying goes – Always a bridesmaid, never a bride … but not for long.

I know that I would like to have a ceremony of some sort someday, to celebrate a union, a joining of hearts, a partnership. I’ve seen plenty of wedding shows to know the traditional outline, the layout, who wears what and who stands where. The thing is, when it comes to a gay wedding nothing about it is even remotely traditional. The mere basis of it – two women or two men exchanging vows of marriage – screams non-traditional to most. So, it’s on to a non-traditional wedding we go!

The proposal. Who proposes to who? For some odd reason, I’ve always dreamed of asking that one special girl to marry me. So it only seems fitting that I be the one to get down on one knee and pop the question. I have a friend who recently tied the knot in Massachusetts. She and her “wife” had proposed to each other a week apart so the other wouldn’t feel left out. Either way works I suppose, though having to buy two engagement rings seems a bit much.

The location. While I do consider myself spiritual on many levels, I already know that I wouldn’t want to have the ceremony in a church. The religious setting would just be contradictory to underlying theme of the wedding – two women in wholly matrimony. No thank you. I’m thinking more of a tropical location would suffice, a sandy beach with the water rolling up over our ankles. Now that’s a setting!

The bridesmaids. I have two best friends from childhood, so naturally I would want them to stand up beside me. But what about my two wonderful brothers? Can you have a set of bridesmaids and groomsmen on one side? Why not, right? But then I get into the problem of having too many people standing up in the wedding altogether. What to do … what to do?

Monetary support. According to my best friend, the bride’s family is supposed to pay for the bulk of the wedding. In my case, who is the bride? Who’s family is going to shell out the dough? I’ve already formulated a letter in my mind to my parents, choosing words carefully and phrasing sentences in the most delicate way. My father once said he would never support gay marriage. I wonder where he stands on that now.

Regardless of what others may view as traditional, we (the gay and lesbian community) are constantly forming our own traditions. When it comes to a commitment ceremony, a gay wedding or whatever you would like to call it, we have the opportunity to set the stage any way we like. Whether it’s with twenty bridesmaids on both sides, with both women in white dresses or perhaps both grooms in white dresses, we should celebrate our non-traditional commitment with pride. In a church or on the beach – there’s no right or wrong way to do it, just as much as there is no right or wrong way to love.

When I’m standing up in my best friend’s wedding this fall, I’ll be sure to take down a few notes. Who knows, I just made need them in the near future.

In other News - if any of you watch the L Word. Check out the Planet Podcast - you'll find the link on the side bar. It's a great recap of the each episode and the two women who publish the podcast are hilarious. They also give me a shout out on The Chart 2-5-06

Thanks Ladies!

It's Been 1 Whole Year!

2006-02-02T12:11:00.000-08:00

What Up?

2006-02-01T16:03:00.000-08:00

So this is my first post - Shout out to SO for hooking me up. I owe her another brown soda and mint cookie candy bar. No doubt.

I'm glad to have added a blog on my website. Now I can post my columns because Outcome does a poopie job of updating their site. Here is my column for January that wasn't updated. You can stiil visit Outcome through my website or at www.outcomebuffalo.com

JANUARY COLUMN
Looking Back

As we enter the year 2006, I realize that it will have been ten long years since I graduated from high school. I think back to how I was in high school and how so much about me has changed.

In 1996, I was 17 years old. I was getting ready to embark on my college career and I was dating a guy (yes a guy) in the army. I wasn’t out of the closet in high school. In fact, the thought never even crossed my mind. I was an average student. I did well enough to make my parents proud, but not well enough that I could be called a nerd. I played both basketball and soccer, excelling in each sport enough to be known as a pretty darn good athlete. I dated my high school “sweetheart” for three years and was homecoming queen my junior year. My group of friends consisted of everyone from cheerleader to class president. I didn’t stand out like a sore thumb, but I didn’t always feel like I blended in either. Something inside me was different.

Throughout my high school years, I knew that I liked girls. I had crushes on numerous friends of mine, but nothing too overwhelming that I couldn’t keep it at bay. I was able to fend off the urges with daydreams during study hall and innocent flirting that could be easily cast aside as girls just being girls. At that point in time, I didn’t think I needed to come out of the closet. At that point in time, I just didn’t want to come out. Period.

I saw what could happen to those brave souls who dared to come out during high school.
They weren’t treated with respect. There was no gay and lesbian group for them to turn to. And most of the time, they were being picked on by other students I considered friends of mine. I didn’t want that to happen to me. I didn’t want to be different or considered a freak. So, I stayed hidden. And I hid my true self from all of my friends and family without even realizing it.

Looking back I wonder, if the situation were different, would I have come out during high school? If gays and lesbians were portrayed as they are in the media today back then, would that have made a difference? If there were a gay and lesbian group, would I have joined? If my friends were all just a little bit more open minded, would I have confided in them? The answer to all of those questions is simply, I don’t know. I do know, however, that I am who I am today because of the road I chose to travel. There have been countless mistakes, lessons, and accomplishments along the way – all of which shaped me into the person I am today. And I wouldn’t want to change that for anything.

Here in 2006, I’m completely out of the closet and I’ve never felt more accepted or proud of the person that I am. My only hope is that for gay and lesbian teens in high schools across the country to have things just a little bit easier than I did. I hope that they have that gay and lesbian group to turn to; that they have a good core group of students who don’t care what their sexual orientation is; and that they feel safe enough to face the world instead of hiding from it as I did.

Those ten years have gone by so fast. I’ve changed so much, but I wonder – has high school changed as well?